Laughter by Paul: July 15, 2010

Did you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter’s college education?

As the policeman, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker. “I have just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?”

John Miller was trying to get his history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. “How would you feel,” he asked, “if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn’t you be a bit scared?”

“Nah,” one boy answered, “I’d just figure it was my sister’s date.”

A man approached a ticket agent and said, “I want to buy a bus ticket for Norwald.”

The ticket agent started searching his destination book, “Norwald? Let me find that. Hmmm…never heard of it. Let me see…Norwald. I don’t see Norwald listed, and I can’t find it on the map. Just where is Norwald anyway?”

“Over there. He’s my brother-in-law.”

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A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. “Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!”

“I did? What did I tell you?” said the dad.

“You told me to put my money in that big bank and now the big bank is in trouble.”

“What are you talking about? That’s one of the largest banks in the state,” he said, “there must be some mistake.”

“I don’t think so” the co-ed sniffed. “They just returned one of my checks with a note saying “Insufficient Funds.”

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Sam, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at

4:00 a.m. by his ringing phone.

“Your dog is barking and it’s keeping me awake.” said an angry voice.

Sam thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up.

The next morning at precisely 4:00 a.m. Sam called his neighbor back.

“Good morning, Mr. Williams. I just called to say that I don’t have a dog.”

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A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night and told him “There is a burglar downstairs in the kitchen. He is eating the cake that my mother made for us.”

The husband said, “Who shall I call, the police or any ambulance?”

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A man at an auction sale started bidding for a parrot. The bidding went higher and higher, but finally the man bought the bird. Then he realized that he didn’t even know if it could talk, so he asked the auctioneer.

“Of course it can talk,” he relied. “Who do you think was bidding against you?”

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A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered, with his thumb over the meat as he is carrying the plate.

“Are you crazy?” complained the customer, “you have your hand on my steak!”

“What,” answered the waiter, “you want it to fall on the floor again?”

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An old man, Fred, was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech. Finally the mayor could not stand it any longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, “Will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city.”

“Well Mr. Mayor,” Fred replied in a firm voice. “I voted against you in the last election.”

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