Whether my parents want to admit it or not, and no matter how much my mother tells me I was a welcomed addition to the family and loved all the same, I know that I was an oops baby … unless two people plan to have a child at 38 and 40 (mother and father respectively) and to separate their first batch of kids from their last child by 17-, 14-, and 10-and-half years. So far as I can tell, my father is still trying to pick his jaw up off the floor after my mother told him she was pregnant … again.
Growing up in this family arrangement came with its share of pros and cons, which are as follows:
Pro: I had the unique experience of being an “only” child with siblings.
Con: At four years old, the above pro was something of a paradox, and when talking to my siblings, I often referred to my parents as “my mom” or “my dad.”
Pro: Being so much younger than my siblings meant that five people raised me instead of two.
Con: Five people raised me instead of two. Then again, I guess it takes a whole village, right?
Pro: As my dad was a salesman, he traveled a lot when I was growing up, but my oldest brother was always right there to fill in the role of dad, something he never failed to point out to me while I was growing up: “Chris, I’m old enough to be your father.” Although, the older he gets, the less and less he wants to admit he’s old enough to have a 32-year-old son. Needless to say, I don’t hear this much from him anymore. To this day, I still view him as something of a father figure.
Con: I had two fathers. One is plenty. And in the case of a teenage daughter, one is probably more than plenty, so I’m glad I’m wasn’t born a girl.
Pro: I was doted on. Who doesn’t like the new baby?
Con: I was my sister’s doll and my brothers’ and cousins’ living experiment, particularly their audio experiment: “Hey, Chris, say the word $@#!” Admittedly, it’s funny to hear a two-year-old swear.
Pro: I became an uncle at nine.
Con: I viewed my new niece as competition. And, moreover, since she was my oldest brother’s daughter, did that mean I was her brother, since my oldest brother was old enough to be my father and since she and I were closer in age than any of my actual siblings?
Pro: By the time I was in my mid-teens, my siblings had enough sense to not use their legal freedoms of adulthood to buy me the stuff a teenager should otherwise not have.
Con: With no one to help get me in trouble, I had to get good at doing that all on my own.
Pro: My oldest brother (you know, dad #2) is a dentist. As he was already very well established in his profession by the time I had to start taking care of myself, I never had to worry about paying for dental coverage.
Con: The very last thing you want under light sedation is your brother leaning over you with a drill and a pick.
Pro: When my oldest brother was in dental school, he would teach me things to help himself study.
Con: I think I was the only seven-year-old who could name all the bones in the human head. Adults may find that impressive. Other seven-year-olds did not.
Pro: Being so separated from my siblings by age created a huge gap between us. When they were getting married, I was getting chicken pox and booster shots. As I get older and my life becomes more similar to theirs, the gap is lessening, and I finally feel like one of them.
Con: I’m starting to feel like I’m related to these people.
