“Mommy, is it true that Santa brings us presents?”
“Yes”
“The stork brings babies?”
“Yes”
“The police protect us? The fire department puts out fires?”
“Yes, dear, yes”
“What do we need Daddy for?”
It was Christmas, and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?”
“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.
“That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner.
It was the day after Christmas. The pastor of a church was looking over their Nativity scene when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures.
Immediately, he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
So he walked up to the boy and said, “Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?
The little boy replied, “I got him from the church.
“And why did you take him?”
The boy said, “Well, about a week before Christmas, I prayed to
the little Lord Jesus, and I told him if he would bring me a red
wagon for Christmas, I would give him the first ride in it.”
The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader and was about to answer the final question — worth 500 points!
“To be today’s champion,” the show’s smiling host intoned, “name two of Santa’s reindeer.”
The contestant, a man in his early thirties, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that he had drawn such an easy question. “Rudolph!” he said confidently, “and … Olive!”
The studio audience started to applaud (which the little sign above their heads said to do), but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling. The confused host replied, “Yes, we’ll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain ‘Olive’?”
“You know,” the man circled his hand forward impatiently and began to sing,
“Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. *Olive,* the other reindeer…”
Just before Christmas, two brothers were spending the night at their Grandma’s house. At bedtime, they knelt down to say their prayers.
As they closed their eyes, one boy said in a loud voice, “Dear Lord, please ask Santa Claus to bring me a Wii, a telescope, and a new bike.”
His older brother said, “Why are you shouting? God isn’t deaf.”
“I know,” said his brother, “but Grandma is.”
Shortly before Christmas, a businessman was anxious to get home. The business trip had been grueling, and he was not in a particularly good mood. The airport loudspeakers blared Christmas carols he was sick of hearing. He thought their decorations were tacky. The worst decoration, he thought, was the plastic mistletoe hung over the luggage scale.
Being in a grumpy mood, he said to the woman at the counter, “You know, even if I weren’t married, I wouldn’t kiss you.”
“That’s not what it’s there for,” said the attendant. “It’s so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”
On New Year’s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. “What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?” asked the police officer.
“I’m on my way to a lecture,” answered Roger.
“And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year’s Eve?” enquired the constable sarcastically.
“My wife,” slurred Daniel grimly.
Jessica was taking an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?”
“Aha, you’ll know tonight,” answered Max, smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jessica and handed her small package.
Delighted and excited, she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: “The meaning of dreams.”
