A new mother goes upstairs to check on her napping infant. As she opens the door, she sees her husband sitting in front of the crib. He hasn’t noticed her yet, so she slowly and quietly walks up to him. The new father is just staring at the baby in the crib, not saying a word, deep in thought. The mother looks and sees expressions of bewilderment, disbelief, and absolute pure joy on her husband’s face.
Dad finally notices his wife and says, “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”
Mother, who spent over 20 hours in labor without an epidural says, “Yes, dear, it’s just incredible,” as she wipes tears of joy from her husband’s face.
He looks directly into her eyes and says, “Who’d thought you could buy a crib this good for fifty bucks!”
“How come you’re late?” asks the bartender as the waitress walks in the door.
“It was awful,” she explains. “I was walking down Main Street, and there was a terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he had been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank goodness I had taken a first aid course – all my training came back in a flash.”
“What did you do?” asks the bartender.
“I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!”
A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for hiccups.
The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.
“What did you do that for?” the man asks.
“Well, you don’t have hiccups anymore, do you?”
The man says, “No, but my wife out in the car still does!”
