Q: I am in my late 60âs and am my motherâs caregiver. She lives 30 miles away from me. Itâs not a long distance, but caring for her is becoming more challenging for me. How can I care for her needs and not feel burned out?
A: I hear from many adult caregivers in the same situation. Their childhood home is still where mom or dad lives, and it can be a distance for many. As you know, as parents age, they become more dependent on their children. It is very difficult, especially considering that most family caregivers may still have their own careers and families to take care of as well. While you may be happy to take care of your mother, I would like to recommend that you consider some type of additional senior care to give respite for yourself. This extra care can be helpful with daily tasks or overnight and out-of-town needs.
There are a multitude of basic needs, including household chores, shopping and errands, or even meal preparation to be tended to when helping our aging parents. Fundamentals such as bathing and grooming, medication reminders, and paying bills are some examples of what may need to be done for someone. Many times it is too much to handle alone. Even if you have the support from another sibling, additional help may still be needed. Services are available to provide help for these basic senior-care needs and companionship. The most challenging issue I see is encouraging your mother to accept the idea of outside help. This wonât be an easy task to accomplish, because I am sure she would prefer having you respond to her needs. She may fear that by suggesting outside help she may not see you as often. You can assure her that outside help will be an asset to both you and her because your future visits together will be more social and have more companionship time rather than it being a working visit, and reassure her that you would enjoy that companionship time again.
You may personally experience some emotional hurdles by taking this next step with mom. Please donât allow yourself to feel guilty over this decision. It is important to lighten your responsibilities in a healthy way. I think your time with her will be more of a quality visit for both of you if you can allow yourself to trust someone to take care of some of the household and personal-care tasks that you are currently shouldering.
I speak from experience, having cared for a loved one for years. It was a complete joy to help her; however, at times I just wasnât sure how I could get through another day of it because of all the other responsibilities of work and my family. It can be exhausting. Itâs important to realize that you need to take care of yourself in order to be the person your mom needs you to be during your future visits with her, and I think you are taking steps in the right direction toward that end goal. I remember when I first hired a caregiver for my loved one; it took a huge weight off my shoulders to know her physical needs were being attended to, and then I quickly saw how our time together was more enjoyable because we could actually plan a fun activity together again. Your loved one will have an extra set of eyes looking out for them; plus you will have a refreshed spirit to help you as you provide care for her as well.
Call me for my free âHow to Hire a Caregiverâ checklist. It will help you as you consider a home-care agency to help you as you care for your loved ones. My number is 847-429-0100.
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