Sonnybrook Whiskey
Old and deadly. If you look closely, the bottle is unopened and about a half-finger of pure, concentrated poison sits at the bottom. By now the whiskey is probably nuclear.
Wood Toy Airplane
I have a small squadron of wood toy airplanes on the top of the credenza, awaiting takeoff. Most of you know that every year the Woodchucks make wood toys for underprivileged children for Christmas, but my father started making wood toys long ago, when I was a boy. I don’t have them anymore (regretfully), but every year my dad gives me one he made in the woodshop that year. My office is decorated with everything from wood cars, snakes and elephants, to various airplanes like this one. And sometimes, I play with them!
Perpetual Desk Calendar
I really put this calendar’s name to use, as I’m very time challenged. I’ve never been one to use a calendar, and I can’t seem to keep up with the daily demand of turning over the blocks to display the correct day or thumbing the tumbler to display the correct month. It’s hard to see here, but it currently reads August 26, which is probably the last time I touched it. Like a ship’s masthead, it rides at the head of my desk, forever and aimlessly sailing the potent sea of years.
Ring Toss and Cutlass
Pirates and carnivals. They sort of go together, don’t they? The ring toss stick is an antique, and the wood cutlass was made by my father as, of all things, a gift for one of my friends, but I liked it so much I kept it for myself. At least I’m no Indian giver. I just don’t give! These two items are paired together because I fidget, and never more than when I’m on the phone. Whether I’m talking to one of my employees, negotiating an ad sale, doing an interview (or pleading with the IRS), I’m walking around my office, holding one of these, and swinging (or slashing, if I am on the phone with the IRS).
My Grandfather’s Cap
It’s hard to make out in this photo, but this is the cap my grandfather wore all the years I knew him. So far as I understand, he always wore a cap, probably because he was born bald and stayed that way his whole life. It’s made of felt, and I swear it still smells like chewing tobacco, which he chewed from age seven (no joke) until he died at 89.
Turtle Lamp
Every man owns something he loves that his wife detests. Sometimes it’s an inappropriate picture of a pinup girl he keeps in the garage, and sometimes it’s an antique turtle lamp whose glass shell lights up when turned on. I have no idea why my wife hates this lamp. It’s not like it’s the leg lamp from A Christmas Story, clad in one fishnet stocking and high heel. Come on, honey, it’s just a turtle! (A tacky one, says my wife.)
Free Money
I wrote a whole editorial about this jar before, so I don’t want to rehash anything, but this jar is a bank of sorts, as it contains all the free (meaning found) money I’ve collected since the 30th birthday. To date it contains $4.36 in cash/coin and a scratch and win lottery ticket worth $1. All this proves is money really doesn’t come free.
