Grief group provides answers for widows, widowers

SUN CITY — Matt Meyer, a former pastor and founder of the Grief Support and Life Enrichment Group, began last Friday’s weekly meeting with a soft, chiming bell.

With that tone, the group, which is described by members as “fellowship,” “family,” and “therapy,” began as it has since 2004, with guests sharing anything on their minds.

Members appreciate that the group has stuck together for years, unlike hospice or other grief groups, which typically last for a few weeks or months.

Grief is a lasting struggle, say members, and it is not just something to “get over with.” They say that being alone after a loved one dies makes seemingly routine tasks and events feel different and often painful.

The group also serves as a feedback source for members who want to know how others deal with their grief.

“When you’re all alone, you don’t have anybody to bounce things off of anymore, so you don’t know if you’re nuts or, am I normal feeling this, or, am I abnormal?” Carol Michael said. “And then you find out, oh, somebody else felt that way too, so you’re not such a crazy person.”

The group’s longevity has led to a structure where those who have been coming for years – the “seasoned grievers,” as some call themselves – can serve as mentors for newer members.

It took a while for this system to develop, however. During the group’s earliest meetings, raw nerves abounded.

“Everybody that came to that first meeting had just lost somebody, so we all sat here and cried,” Jan Adams said.

Today, there are noticeably more smiles than tears, and more laughter than sobbing.

“We have had some days where it’s been very tearful, but I have to say, even on those days, we have generally ended up with some laughter,” Teri Brandstatter said.

Laughs often trail stories of family get-togethers, anecdotes from last weekend, or any other topic that comes to mind as the group also shares daily life topics.

“We need to give Matt [Meyer] a lot of credit; he lets us expound on whatever we need to talk about,” Donna Wood said.

When members have had a chance to hear each other’s concerns and thoughts, Meyer closes the program with inspiration readings derived from Bible passages.

This ever-developing group is about to go through another change. Meyer is planning to step down as its leader by the end of the year. The group is planning to continue and is currently searching for a new leader to facilitate discussion.

Though in a transition period, the group remains open to new members. They continue to send invitation cards to those who have recently lost loved ones and welcome anyone interested to stop by on a Friday morning and see what they are all about.

Many members agreed that prior to going through the loss of a loved one and the subsequent grief, they had no idea what it truly was like.

“I wonder [about] how many people, before I went through this, I said at a wake or speaking to a person, ‘Oh I know just what you’re going through,’” Adams said. “I didn’t have a clue.”

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