Our Ask An Angel correspondent is Arlene Petersen, Life Care Navigation Specialist in the area of senior home care.
For years, I’ve enjoyed hosting our annual holiday gatherings. I’ve done it all, and the kids have loved it. Earlier this year, my health has suffered, and now I don’t think I can make it all happen like I used to. None of my children have offered to take over, so I am wondering how to host the holidays considering my limitations.
Well, I give you kudos for shouldering the holiday in spite of your limitations. I do want to share that this year, my mother-in-law had a similar situation. Her solution was a happy medium for everyone. She had to become assertive and asked one of her children to hostess the party. She, in turn, decided to contribute by working with a local caterer and ordered the complete meal. She had it delivered, and the rest of the family coordinated the setup and contributed appetizers, side dishes, desserts, and beverages. It worked out perfectly. If your family insists that you still hostess, consider the catering option and have the meal delivered to your home. It is important that you have this discussion before the holidays, though. Your family may not be fully aware of how you physically feel and may assume you are capable, when in fact you just aren’t up to it.
Here are a few more tips as we enter the holiday season:
Determine what traditions matter the most. Something most families never do is ask if they really want to continue holiday traditions or if they’re holding on to them from habit. Take a moment to evaluate which elements of the holiday truly hold meaning for your family, and which are just “the way we’ve always done things.” You may learn that what matters is different from what you expect, and it may open up new ways to celebrate that are easier and more meaningful.
Small modifications can make a big difference. As mentioned, consider catering – most grocery stores will provide full holiday meals at very reasonable prices. Ask around for a good recommendation from a friend. You can use the family serving dishes and favorite china but avoid the preparation and cooking time.
Consider hiring home help during the holidays. Home help can assist with everyday tasks and holiday preparations. Just be sure to screen caregivers carefully or use a reputable agency.
Be flexible. Changing the time of a family event to earlier in the day could make the world of difference for you. Marathon family events could be too much to manage – schedule in downtime like a walk or rest as part of the event to allow everyone a chance to recharge.
Make plans early. If you do need to modify the holidays, don’t just spring it on the family. Discuss options early on, and try to involve everyone.
Try to keep to routine as much as possible. Lack of sleep and dramatic changes in mealtimes can be disturbing as we age.
Try to have more visits with fewer people. Instead of bringing all 10 family members over at once, perhaps groups of three or four can come and visit. A smaller group will allow your visits to be less overwhelming.
Hopefully, these suggestions will keep the focus on the meaning behind the holiday. After all, that’s what it’s all about!
Have a question for our angel correspondent? You can send our angel an email to apetersen@visitingangels.com or send your question via mail to Ask An Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, IL 60177.
