SUN CITY – Domestic abuse is a secret no one should have to keep. Women have a choice when they are suffering.
These two principles form a message that a local organization believes Sun Citians need to hear and embrace, as the memory of the Robert Signorile murder case slowly fades. Sun City, especially residents of Neighborhood 10, will not soon forget the tragic death of Michelle Mathieu on March 24, 2012, and the subsequent arrest and conviction of her live-in boyfriend Signorile for first-degree murder by a McHenry County jury on Nov. 22, 2013.
While a possible appeal is pending, a final chapter of the local part of the case will occur on Jan. 24, when County Judge Sharon Prather will sentence Signorile to at least 20 years and not more than 60 years of imprisonment.
Domestic abuse is one of the most common crimes committed in our society. In McHenry County alone in Fiscal Year 2013, 4,259 domestic violence crisis calls were received by one of the leading area domestic abuse agencies. That’s an average of nearly 12 per day.
That agency is Turning Point, which serves the Huntley area, including about half the residents of Sun City. To add some perspective to this issue and put a positive stamp on it, the Sun Day recently visited with Jane Farmer, executive director of Turning Point, which has been devoted to guiding women and children from violence to wholeness for more than 40 years. The agency operates a counseling center and shelter in Woodstock.
Since more than 90 percent of domestic violence incidents involve men victimizing women, as in the Signorile case, this report will focus on this aspect of the issue.
“Women have choices when they are suffering abuse,” Farmer said. “They can call many places for help, or they can do nothing. But the best way for a woman to successfully confront this problem is to take the initiative. Our services are available 24/7, but we can’t and don’t force them on victims; they must come to us. When a woman does come, she is more inclined to be successful and get the help she needs. But if she’s pressured or feels pressured to come to us, she’ll say, ‘I’ve come because my dad wants me to come, and I’m getting it over with.’”
One of the most common questions everyone asks, Farmer said, is about intervention.
“If you know or believe a family member or friend is being abused, there are some dos and dont’s,” she explained. “If a victim acknowledges the problem, encourage her to call 911 or an agency like Turning Point. Do not make the call for them. If you see evidence of injuries, ask questions, starting gently. Persist if they do not open up immediately. Try to persuade them that they need to call for help themselves. Enlisting the help of other family members or friends sometimes helps.
“Ask her if anyone is hurting her and who is doing it,” Farmer continued. “If she is evasive or vague, tell her point blank that you believe she is being abused; tell her you’re concerned that her husband or boyfriend is hurting her. She can call 911, but the best thing is to steer her to an agency. They exist in all counties and many communities. An agency like ours is a secure place where she can be safe. She can stay with the abuser and still come here to get help.”
The bottom line, Farmer emphasized, is that the victim must be persuaded to help herself.
“It’s like blood pressure medicine,” she said. “If you take your medicine, your blood pressure usually is normal. If you don’t, it’s not.”
This same principle works in overcoming abuse.
“Too many people take a ‘get what they want, when they want it’ attitude in our Baby Boomer culture,” she said. “They want fast answers, and too often, if they don’t get them quickly, they don’t follow up for long-term answers.”
Farmer also stressed that domestic abuse can be physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, financial, spiritual, or social. Incidents often include many or all of these factors.
Turning Point provides nearly 20 services targeted at women, men, children, families, and partners, Farmer said. These include emergency shelter (for up to 60 days), support groups, individual counseling, bilingual/bi cultural services, non-legal and legal advocacy, training and support to local law enforcement, violence prevention education, and childcare, all at no charge. Modest fees are charged for long term therapy or group services.
Turning Point’s $1.7 million annual budget is funded by the McHenry County Health Board, Illinois Department of Human Services, Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence, Illinois Attorney General’s office, United Way of Greater McHenry County, foundation and corporate grants, community fund raising and donations.
“If a woman is being abused, she is not alone,” Farmer concluded. “Nearly one-third of all relationships include violence. Women are not the cause of, nor responsible for, someone else’s abusive behavior. They do not deserve to be abused. They have the right to expect help and respect and to be safe. And they have a right to make their own choices.”
