Its not like I dont think you’re grammars important. Their are just, like, two many rules too follow and there making me loose my mind! If they’re wer’ent so many rule’s; maybe I could write good.
The above may be a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s a good representation of the myriad mistakes I find when scrolling through Facebook, reading menus, or scanning for what constitutes as “civil discourse” in the 21st century – website comment threads.
I know I’m not perfect in this area. You’ll catch me ending sentences in propositions, and I’ve had several grammar faux pas (what’s the plural form of that, by the way?) slip by me and appear in this paper. Trust me, it’s an editor’s worst regret.
So, yes, I’m not one to throw stones, but I think the poor grammar situation is starting to get out of hand. If I read one more menu that tries to get me excited about “Taco Tuesday’s!” I may just go postal.
I know the English language is full of odd rules and inconsistencies even when spoken properly, but at an alarming rate, English is becoming verbal anarchy, one mistake-laden comment post at a time. Soon, we’ll have new grammar rules written by these linguistic psychopaths.
I don’t want to live in that world. At the same time, I know languages are ever changing, so maybe it’s time to consider some new grammar rules, updated to the way people speak and write today. Let’s try some out, shall we?
Plural nouns:
In the past, plural nouns needed no apostrophe. If you had more than one pear, you had pears. Apostrophes were used to show possession, as in the case of “John’s pears.”
From now on, feel free to stick an apostrophe in for a non-possessive plural noun whenever you like. It’s especially helpful to do this with vaguely foreign words – so restaurant owners, start peddling off your panini’s and gyro’s!
To/too/two:
Back in the old days, each one of these used to have its own purpose. Today, they’re interchangeable. Pick whichever you want. If one “o” isn’t enough for you, try it with two, or go nuts and throw that “w” in there.
There/their/they’re and your/you’re:
Wow, things are much better now. It used to be, you had to think about whether you wanted to say their or they’re based on the sentence. There was also a rule about when you should use your or you’re, but who can remember? There, there, it’s alright. You can use any one of these at any time now.
Lose/loose:
Believe it or not, there was a time when these words meant two very different things. No one remembers what the definitions were, but it’s not important anyway. They’re interchangeable.
Its/it’s:
Can you believe we used to differentiate between the two? Who has time for that? They’re practically the same word! Use whichever you want – I won’t tell.
Who/whom:
Unless you want to sound like some uppity member of British Parliament, just ditch whom. This is America, after all.
;/’/,:
No one’s really sure when you’re supposed to use these symbols, but I think I saw that first one in a picture of a crop circle. Yeah, it’s definitely from the aliens.
Let’s not allow this to become our future. No one likes a grammar snob, but it’s time to stand up to those who seek to defile our language, as imperfect as it may already be.
I may not have the guts to do it, but I applaud the woman who informs the coffee shop owner that “$2 cappucino’s” is an affront to the English language. My hat goes off to the man who says to his waitress, “yes, I’m doing well,” when she asks if he’s “doin’ good.”
They may be annoying, but they’re soldiers fighting on the front line for our language.
