Our Ask An Angel correspondent is Arlene Petersen, Certified Senior Advisor and Life Care Navigation Specialist in the area of senior home care.
Q. My Dad has dementia/Alzheimer’s and has become very argumentative, especially with my sister, who is his main caregiver. I have more patience with him than she does. How can I convey that she has to have greater understanding of his disposition?
A. Aging involves many behaviors that families often donât know how to handle. One is the behavior you are describing. Argumentativeness.
Argumentativeness takes on many forms and sometimes it comes out as aggression. Whatever it looks like, the best thing to do is to understand that your loved one is not behaving this way on purpose. Aggression or an argumentative personality often stems from fear and is a behavior that comes out as a way to control a situation. My recommendation is to explain to your sister that this fear is the root of the behavior. It is important to take a step back and understand the trigger to the behavior. Donât try to explain your point as being the ârightâ way to do something.Â
If you attempt to bring understanding to âyour wayâ to a circumstance, it may cause more agitation. Instead, listen. And remember, the disease is the root cause of such behavior.
Try to be understanding vs. trying to make your point. Chances are, as you try to prove your point, you wonât win. So take baby steps. Reflect back what your dad is feeling. Affirm him and come up with an agreeable outcome. It helps to take a step back at times. It will give you a chance to re-frame your thoughts and continue a conversation with your dad calmly. You and your sister will help your dad the best by sitting down as a family and talking through a strategy on how to communicate well with her. Formulating a plan, like taking a time out when things get heated, is a good first step. Stick to your plan and you will have a greater sense of being a help rather than getting drawn into a stressful situation when caring for your dad.
Have a question for our angel correspondent? You can send our angel an email to apetersen@visitingangels.com or send your question via mail to Ask An Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, I
L 60177.
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