The other day, when I was browsing the Internet instead of sleeping, I came across a quote on a blog that goes like this:
“Every introvert alive knows the exquisite pleasure of stepping from the clamor of a party into the bathroom and closing the door.” (Sophia Dembling).
Boom.
I immediately felt a resonance with that quote. I mean, I can’t tell you how often I rely on retreating to my car, pretending to text on my phone, and yes, escaping to the bathroom (even a sub-par public restroom if desperate), for instant solitude when I’m in extended social settings. Not because I’m worried about being around people; I just need to reset.
When I shared this quote with my roommate the next day, she also connected with it. I bet there are tons of other people who feel that way, she said. We aren’t alone!
When I relayed the same quote to my mother (in other words, my discovery that I was not, in fact, a complete lone wolf of society), she looked confused. I don’t think it’s common to feel that way, she said.
That’s when I realized there might be a larger chasm of misunderstanding between introverts (me) and extroverts (not me) than I previously thought.
The distinction is actually pretty simple; introverts gain energy by being alone, and extroverts gain energy by being with other people.
I recharge by journaling, taking a solo run, or simply enjoying the solitude of being the only person in the room (although sometimes my cat’s invited). On the flip side, extroverts refuel by connecting with other people in their free time.
I remember a moment of true bonding between my introverted roommate and I when she bemoaned the fact that some of her friends from college, with whom she had socialized the week before, asked her to grab lunch again the very next weekend.
“Don’t they know I already hung out with them this month?” she asked, exasperated. And I knew what she meant; introverts are cautious about how they spend their energy. I look at my weekends and days off with a critical eye, making sure I don’t overload myself with “plans.” (Okay, I’ll admit it – I like Mondays better than Fridays but that’s another story).
Ultimately, all introverts know the undercurrent of panic when there is no alone time on the horizon, but instead a ocean of social obligations.
In fact, I mostly fulfill my social quota while at my other job. I work at a library, where there is a surprising amount of socializing and an equally-surprising lack of shushing-type librarians. Actually, it’s a staff of 120-plus people who might be gregarious and energetic on the job, but who secretly wouldn’t want to socialize with anyone once the workday is through. A common workplace conversation is this:
Coworker 1: I have to go out tonight after work
Coworker 2: Ugh, sorry to hear
That being said, hear me out; introverts are not people-haters. I promise.
Basically, introverts are like your iPhone 6; we just need time to recharge.
