When I recently spotted a Groupon coupon for the Sky Soaring Glider Club in Hampshire, I couldn’t pass up this half price offer. I thought it would be a great Father’s Day present for him. This would be the second most expensive Father’s Day gift I ever purchased, the first being when I called a Urologist and arranged for his vasectomy years ago.
He called the number listed on the coupon on a Friday afternoon to reserve a spot for Sunday morning at 9 a.m. On the day of the launch, we had our alarm clock set for 7:30 a.m. This was a BIG sacrifice for me, since I don’t do mornings. Of course, Jim was up at the crack of dawn like a kid on Christmas morning. The weather was clear and sunny, and our car was packed with a camera, water and two folding chairs. All systems were “GO.”
(Photos provided)
We arrived at the air strip which by now was bustling with activity. The tow plane, which was reminiscent of the old “Sky King” days, was ready and waiting, while the glider was being jockeyed into position. Before one can embark on this adventure, one must participate in an hour-long orientation class. This consisted of signing your life away on a waiver that absolved them of any and all liability. You also received instructions on how the glider works and most importantly, how to flap your arms really, really fast!!!
We all remember those little toy balsa wood gliders from our child wood, and how well they flew. NOT!!! Because of this, while Jim was in the class, I was frantically signing life insurance policies like a mad woman hoping the ink would dry before he takes off.
The second part of the class was an overview of the cockpit. On the dashboard there were a few gauges for such things as altitude, rate of climb or descent, air speed, and in the center there was an ominous yellow lever. The instructor said the most important instrument is called the “Yaw String” which indicates the planes direction and orientation. This turned out to be nothing more than a six-inch piece of red string that flaps in the breeze. It is attached to the outside of the windshield with scotch tape. A string? Scotch tape?? Seriously??? I quickly ran to get my hands on more insurance policies!!!
As the club representatives say, “Most plane crashes are due to engine failure, we don’t have one of those.” Again I ran for more insurance policies!!!
While Jim was being educated in the finer points of flying, I met the tow plane pilot, Don. As it turned out he is actively flying for American Airlines. I asked if this flight counted toward our frequent flier miles and he said, “sorry, no.” I tried…
All of the pre-flight inspections (such as checking the scotch tape on the Yaw String) were now completed. Jim’s glider pilot, Art, suddenly shouted, “Okay Jim, let’s do this.” As the two of them walked toward the glider I just had to sing the “Top Gun theme” as their sendoff. Unfortunately for me, Jim is no Tom Cruise.
It was hysterical watching a six-foot, four-inch, 228 pound man trying to get into a cockpit that was designed by the same man who built the rocket ride at Kiddie Land. But Jim persevered, and with his knees up to his chin, he was ready for lift off. What looked like a string hanging from the tow plane was hooked to the nose of the glider. The cockpit was closed and the thumbs-up sign was given. Now Jim will give an eyewitness account of his “Top Gun” adventure.
I sat in the cockpit with butterflies in my stomach, the tow planes engine revved, and we taxied down the runway (a grassy field) heading for the wild blue yonder. As we gained speed, I could feel the nose of the glider lift off the ground. A split second later the tow plane became airborne pulling us with him. We steadily climbed to an altitude of 3,000 feet. At this point, Art told me to pull the yellow lever in the center of the dashboard to release the tow line. That’s when I said, “You want me to do what?” With more conviction he said, “pull the release lever.” Against my better judgment I yanked on the yellow lever while mumbling a few prayers. I saw the tow rope disengage and the tow plane veer off. Miraculously, we were in free flight.
The sensation of gliding was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Since there is no motor, gliding is quieter than driving in a car on the freeway. It is actually very relaxing to soar like an eagle over the farm fields. From time to time you catch an updraft and gain altitude. Art told me to gently grab the control stick and move it just a hair. Wonder of wonders, I just logged in some flight time.
Art asked me where my house was in Del Webb, and he made sure he flew over my neighborhood. The flight was unexpectedly smooth since it was a clear day with no cumulus clouds. For the rest of the half hour, Art pointed out local landmarks as we silently glided among the clouds.
I didn’t think it was a good idea to eat before flying, and by now the butterflies in my stomach were replaced by an angry growl. I spotted the “Golden Arches” and asked if we could go through the “glide” thru. The Dining Duo never rests…
All good things must come to an end, and it was time to land. We made a hard banking turn and started our descent. As the ground quickly approaches, you come to a startling realization. Gliders only have one wheel, and when you touch down your sitting 12 inches off the ground. The landing speed is only 40 mph but it seems much faster. To Art’s credit it was a very smooth landing. I’ve had rougher landings on commercial flights.
Once we were safely on terra firma, the cockpit was opened and I realized my next challenge was extricating myself from this contraption. I did a few acrobatic maneuvers and with the help from both Art and Don, I managed to disentangle my limbs from the cockpit. Limping back to the hangar, I could see Nancy ripping up all those insurance policies that she worked so hard on. She was also mumbling something about a sky diving Groupon coupon…
For further information you can contact the Sky Soaring Glider Club at 12020 US-20, Hampshire 60140. (847)683-7627
