It’s really a wonder to me how Halloween has become so successful as a holiday. Halloween is the one time of year where we encourage each other to be hideous.
Okay, an explosion of garish Christmas decorations has its own implications, but you’ll never encounter a head on a pike that says Ho-Ho-Ho from a drooped mouth when you pass by it.
When my wife and I take our nightly walks, I see decapitations, the dead hanging, entrails, skeletons, people buried alive, spider webs big enough to catch a Geo (Remember those? Go carts dressed up like cars all year long? Scary. Yikes!), and the most disturbing of all: twinkling orange, purple, and green string lights (Okay, I admit, I have those, too).
Halloween is very literally probably the only time of year you can hide a dead body in plain sight and not only won’t you attract suspicion, you’d be applauded for the body’s realism.
Also, during Halloween, children are encouraged to be the dangerous little monsters they are. Any other time of year if you caught your kid brandishing a knife, you’d say, “Put that down, put that down right now before you hurt yourself or your sister.” But come Halloween, you exclaim, “Ooooh, a sword!” And if the kid is being gross, you say, “What’s that? An eyeball in your hand? Terrific! Honey, look! Our son has an eyeball growing out of his hand.”
Not to mention the biggest problem with the holiday. It’s commerce. Or lack thereof.
Commerce is buying and selling, and on Halloween night, our commerce is centered on the candy commodity. The only problem is there’s no commerce at all. There’s no buying or selling or trading. Only an “or else.” It’s a threaten-and-get situation. Trick or Treat. So, if we don’t give up the goods, we get tricked? In my neck of the woods, that’s extortion. And tax-paying citizens all across the country are being bullied by pint-sized psychopaths waving swords and guns and clawed fingers with the full backing of their parents approval:
“What did you get from the Smiths?”
“Just two pieces.”
“Well, you’ll get more at the next house. Just be sure to growl extra loud and show your teeth.”
It’s like dealing with the IRS at tax time.
And what do you walk away with at the end of the night?
A couple pennies sliding around at the bottom of a candy bowl.
