Q. Help. Since my mother passed away, I’ve noticed my father has been drinking. When I confront him, he denies it, but it is obvious. I know he is grieving, but this is troubling. I’m not sure how to approach this.
A. Alcohol abuse can develop at any age. Sometimes, we are not aware our loved ones are drinking for many reasons. I’m glad you picked up on this issue with your father. When older adults lose a loved one, depression may set in and alcohol abuse may be the first choice in dealing with the loneliness and pain of loss. In your case, you have seen firsthand that your father is deeply affected by the loss of his life-long companion and now has turned to alcohol for comfort and this is a common occurrence. The tricky part is the denial. I would recommend a discussion with your dad and most importantly with his doctor. If this is not possible, then I would suggest a family meeting and a heart to heart conversation about the issue. There are many considerations to be aware of. Can it interfere with any medication he is taking? If he still drives, is he driving under the influence, and can he function in his home adequately? Is it causing him to be isolated? These are good points to talk about. Realistically, the first line of attack is dealing with his grief. A local grief support group could offer some direction and hope. It might be a good way to open the door to that heart to heart that is so badly needed. In a group setting, your father may see that he is not alone and can learn different, healthier ways of coping with his loss. Walking the road of grief is something that can be done within a safe community of trusted people who know the pain of loss.
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