Our Ask An Angel correspondent is Arlene Petersen, Certified Senior Advisor and Life Care Navigation Specialist in the area of senior home care.
Q. My sister and I disagree on how to care for mom. She lives out of state, and I am here, and involved in her day-to-day care. Since the care falls on my shoulders most of the time, I find myself feeling overwhelmed and resentful. She wants to contribute more, but I donāt know how to make that happen. What do other families do?
A. Your situation is not uncommon, and your feelings are real! I have seen families work together as caregivers in different ways. It sounds like your sister is quite open to helping out, but just doesnāt know how. A family meeting is imperative. Include spouses, as they are affected. Make sure your communication skills are honed. This means listening and being honest with your feelings. You are overwhelmed and your sister may be, but in a different way. The good news is she wants to help. Break down the areas of care that you manage. Typically, care falls in to two categories: the physical aspect and the administrative aspect. Your sister may be able to help in the administrative portion of care. This can include taking care of the checkbook, online banking, insurance issues, or scheduling things that require maintenance, etc. Share communication weekly so you both know what is going on. Donāt forget to consider respite care for yourself so you can āfill upā your tank. Work with a reputable agency that can provide a break for you. I would bet your sister would be happy to see you caring for yourself. It will enable you to be a better caregiver to your mom. Burnout causes stress that leaks into family relationships. Start with these steps and evaluate as you go. The key is to make progress and that can only be done when a family works together.
Have a question for our angel correspondent? You can send our angel an email to apetersen@visitingangels.com or send your question via mail to Ask An Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, IL 60177.
