Our Ask An Angel correspondent is Re Kielar, Life Care Navigation Specialist in the area of senior home care.
Q. I’ve been a caregiver for over 30 years, and I’m now ready to retire and must get something off my chest. I mainly work with people who have mental problems such as Alzheimer’s, depression, bipolar, etc. Why do people treat mentally ill people differently from people that are ill from many other illnesses?
A. First, I want to thank you for your many years of being a caregiver. There is a huge need for more people with a heart to serve, like yours. People who struggle with Alzheimer’s and/or mental illness are faced with many challenges. The stigma associated with these diseases is very apparent. Often, friends and family members seem to disappear from the lives of those they once spent time with. The question is, why? To get to the heart of that questions requires a deep understanding of the way we handle the unknown and things we don’t understand. A simple explanation is that fear drives much of the way we act and react to situations and people around us. In order to drive out fear, we must be intentional to learn and work through this unnecessary barrier that keeps us from maintaining meaningful relationships with family and friends. While we must keep in mind that Alzheimer’s is somewhat different from mental diseases, they are similar. Sadly, the similarity rests in the stigma I mentioned. Someone who suffers from Alzheimer’s can still enjoy social outings and friendships. A family member who operates out of fear may choose to walk away from their loved one, thinking their efforts to relate don’t matter. The opposite is true, however. Someone shared with me that when his mother no longer recognized him, he had to learn to get to know his new mom. What a sweet way to keep the relationship going! He had the empathy needed to move beyond the fear that would have otherwise kept him from relating to his mother. The same applies to those with mental illness. Someone who is depressed can be energized by a phone call or visit from a friend. Perhaps new ways of communicating may need to be put in place to continue the friendship, but new memories and new conversations can enrich that relationship. In any case, the need for education on Alzheimer’s and mental health is greatly needed. Sadly, our society doesn’t dive in to these topics. More voices like yours are needed to help others see the value in the lives of those we care for. More acts of kindness that others can observe will hopefully close the gap as well.
Have a question for our angel correspondent? You can send our angel an email to rkielar@visitingangels.com or send your question via mail to Ask An Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, IL 60177.
