Our Ask An Angel correspondent is Re Kielar, Life Care Navigation Specialist in the area of senior home care.
Q. Our family is caring for our parents, and I am the oldest of our siblings, as well as the leader for their care. I’ve noticed a change in their needs. I am also feeling an increase in my stress level due to these changes. It is time for a family meeting, and I would like to know how I can have a productive conversation with my siblings as well as have them take on a more active role in my parent’s care. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
A. Family meetings are so important! I am encouraged by your ability to reach out for help. So, let’s talk about what can help make your family meeting successful. Before a date is chosen for the meeting, create an agenda with discussion points you wish to cover. This involves being honest about your parent’s needs. You know your siblings best, so make a note of ground rules needed for your meeting. If discussions get heated, the ground rules will be helpful. Perhaps someone may need a break or time out during the meeting to cool down. The reality is that family discussions can be difficult. If you are able to compose an assessment of how your parents are doing and the changes you have witnessed, this will help with your discussion. With a clear assessment, you can begin to outline your hopes and expectations from your siblings. Formulate a plan with your family and write it down. Each member has strengths and weaknesses in helping care for and managing the needs of your parents. Lean into those gifts and talents and write down how each of you can pour into the care plan. If someone cannot make it to the meeting, conference them in through a phone call. Keep notes during your meeting and take the time to write them out so everyone has access to them. You might think you will remember your discussions, but it is best to be more concrete with clear notes. One meeting may not be enough, so you will have to be realistic about what you can iron out during the time with your siblings. Some things to discuss are your parent’s care needs, home safety, care options, housing needs, medical care, and staying organized with medical records, finances and community services. This is a preliminary list, but will get you started. Remember, your parent’s dignity should be the focus of your meeting. If you and your siblings work as a team, you will all provide that dignity as best you can, and you will find stress levels will be addressed as well.
Have a question for our angel correspondent? You can send our angel an email to rkielar@visitingangels.com or send your question via mail to Ask An Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, IL 60177.
