Our Ask An Angel correspondent is Re Kielar, Life Care Navigation Specialist in the area of senior home care.
Q. I had to quit my job so that I could care for my husband, who has early onset dementia. He is doing well but showing signs of irritation and frustration over little things. I know it is the disease, but I find I donât want to take him with me when I go out because his behavior is unpredictable. I donât want to leave him alone, and he is against anyone being with him when I am out. I still have many things to do outside the home, so I am in a spot. What can I do?
A. Your life has changed and now you must manage your life in a new way. You are managing many emotions yourself, and your husband has his own set of emotions! Often when people leave their jobs to take on the care of a loved one, they donât realize the impact it will have on many aspects of their lives. I understand you donât want to take your husband out because of his unpredictable behavior. Even though he has dementia, it is still important for him to socialize with family and friends. It might just be that you will have to schedule those visits differently, with shorter time frames. Sadly, irritability can be a part of dementia, and I am glad you have recognized your limitations as well. There are a few things you can do. Speak with his doctor, nurse or social worker to discuss your situation. It could be that if the suggestion comes from your husbandâs doctor, he may be more receptive to having someone help at home. Another thought is to hire a caregiver in your home to help âyou.â A caregiver can help you with things that will benefit your husband as well, even though it may not appear that way. As you become acquainted with the caregiver, and your husband becomes comfortable with your âhelperâ he may feel more relaxed when you leave. A trusting relationship between all parties is important to gain ground in this situation. Put yourself in your husbandâs place. He may feel threatened or embarrassed about having someone come to his aid. I suggest using statements that include yourself needing help. Saying âwe need helpâ is much less threatening than saying âyou need help.â Keep your honest and realistic attitude in check and make sure you look for a professional caregiver that is vetted properly through an agency. A positive comfort level is the key to success.
Have a question for our angel correspondent? You can send our angel an email to rkielar@visitingangels.com or send your question via mail to Ask an Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, IL 60177.
