“Our group meets weekly, but more importantly we don’t close for Black Friday, Thanksgiving, or any holidays. Those are the days that support is needed more,” Sharon Stevens offers.
Stevens moved to Sun City after the death of her husband.
“My grief was delayed. I moved to be near my daughter and Grandchildren and then I found out my daughter had cancer. I became so involved with caring for her and the grandchildren, that I did not get a chance to grieve.”
Pat Henning agrees.
“Not everyone grieves the same. My husband died of cancer. I was dealing with the anticipation of losing him for 15 months, where Sharon’s husband died suddenly of a heart attack. There is a grief process and has many phases. A person grieving joins or comes to us when they are ready,” she said.
Pat Henning (left) and Sharon Stevens discuss the Bridges to Recovery. (Photo by Christine Such/Sun Day)
A suggestion to “check out a grief support group” is offered to people after the death of a loved one. People generally consider support groups to be a reliable and valid recommendation and many are helped in dealing with their grief. Grief support groups provide many potential benefits. They are available here in Sun City and requires little commitment from attendees.
“We have around 21-24 members that are active, but we have gone up as high as 35 at the meeting. We have become a family. Everything that is said at the meeting is confidential. And we talk about everything. At a meeting, we go around the room and give everyone an opportunity to share,” said Stevens.
Henning added that the meetings are planned well.
“We do have an advisory committee that we meet and talk about how the meetings are going. We have speakers that help the group. We had a presentation on dreams not long ago,” she said.
It is not surprising that Henning and Stevens have a career helping others. Henning adopted 5 children and worked for the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services. Stevens worked with High School Children with Behavior issues.
Henning added, “We help each other always. When a member moved to assisted living, we help, if needed we get groceries, count out medications; whatever is needed.”
Stevens shared, “I broke my leg not long ago. And I thought ‘oh my, I am all alone. How am I going to get through this?’ It turned out I was not alone. I never felt alone. These people were wonderful. They picked up groceries, dog food. They even took me with them when the group out for karaoke, wheelchair and all. I got rides to the doctor’s, our meetings. I cannot say enough of the warmth I felt when I thought I would be at my lowest.”
Henning said the group welcomes newcomers, and immerses them with a unique process.
“New grievers are introduced separately, they meet with a small group first and then join us all when they are comfortable,” said Henning.
Thelma Jones, another member, said, “The group is just wonderful support for those of us who have lost our spouses. Some people in the group are very recently widowed and others have lost their spouses a number of years ago but continue in the group because of the friendships that have developed and the assistance they can give to others just starting the journey. The group meets weekly for a meeting and lunch. Smaller groups meet another day coffee and lunch. Another group goes to karaoke one evening a week. People are just a phone call away if someone needs support.”
From day one, members recall the feeling of relief they felt.
Jones adds, “I joined the support group about a year after my husband died. On the first day, I was greeted by one of the members with a hug. Everyone made me feel so welcome. It is the best thing that I have done since my husband died. It is great for making friends with people who understand what you are going through and are so supportive. We work through the stages of grief and more important, we are always there for each other. We also get together and socialize outside of the meetings. I have been going to the group for 2 years now and don’t know what I would have done without them.”
Other members strongly agree.
“At first, it was a reason to get up, and go someplace, do something, to get out of the house. After almost five years, I still get something out of every meeting. I believe you only get out of something as much as you give,” said Maureen Brinkman.
The group meets at Hartland Bank, and you can contact Sarah Elam at 224-569-6031 or Dick Brush at 815-751-6967 for more information.
