Q. Each year on Memorial Day, my elderly parents host our family for a picnic. The entire family looks forward to this event because itās become a family tradition to kick off the unofficial start of summer. The cousins compare their last day of school dates. My siblings and I discuss summer vacation plans and reminisce about our childhood vacations. My momās heart is full as she cooks enough food for an army, kicking all the adults out of the kitchen so she can concentrate. My dad, a Korean War veteran, typically takes charge of the grill. Last year, however, he gave up his title of āGrill Masterā to my brother and spent most of the day in his den alone. Even the grandkids couldnāt get him to come out for a game of catch. My mom didnāt seem too concerned and told us he just needed time alone. I didnāt even think about what Memorial Day might mean to my dad as our family spent the day laughing and playing games. With Memorial Day quickly approaching, how can we honor and support my dad, while keeping our family tradition alive?
A. As youāve mentioned, Memorial Day has become for most of us the unofficial start to summer holiday. Many Americans spend the day picnicking with their family and friends. While some might pause for a moment to remember loved ones lost, many quickly move on to fire up the grill or prepare for other fun activities. You are not alone in getting caught up in the festivities while forgetting the significance of Memorial Day, especially to a veteran.
While I canāt speak to the exact feelings your dad is facing, know that Memorial Day is probably bittersweet to him. He most likely lost friends in the war or has lost fellow veterans simply due to older age. He may struggle with survivorās guilt, while simultaneously feeling grateful to be alive, having had the opportunity to raise what sounds like an incredible family. This year, I encourage you to take time as a family to remember and reflect upon all the sacrifices our military have made to protect our freedom. If your dad is able, attend a Memorial Day service or ceremony. Encourage your dad to participate in a local Memorial Day parade and invite the entire family to observe. As your family gathers, make flower arrangements with all the children and take them to place the arrangements on the grave site of veterans. Encourage your children to ask their grandpa about his time in the military, or at the very least, to thank him for his service. If he withdraws again this year, give your dad time and space to process the many emotions he faces on this special day. Then, invite him to rejoin the family celebration by bragging on his grilling skills, reminding him that your brother botched last yearās burgers and brats, (even if he didnāt). From all of us at Ask an Angel, we want to thank your father, and all current military and veterans reading this column, for their service to our country. Your sacrifices are not forgotten. Thank you for protecting our freedom.
Have a question for our angel correspondent? You can send our angel an email to apetersen@visitingangels.com, or send your question via mail to Ask An Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, IL 60177.
