Q. My dad is approaching his 80th birthday. While he is in somewhat good health for his age, my mom worries about his health. He hasn’t had a physical exam for a few years now. He claims he feels great, aside from a few aches and pains that come with age. When he has a cold, he refuses to see a doctor, saying he’ll just take it easy. My mom has scheduled doctor appointments for him in the past, but he only calls to cancel the day before. How can we better understand my dad’s perspective, and do you have any tips on how we can convince him to see a doctor?
A. Doctors. You either love them or fear them. First, know that you are not alone in your position. Men are more likely to avoid a doctor’s appointment than women. There are many reasons why men typically avoid the doctor’s office. They claim they’re too busy. They fear the unknown — what if something’s wrong and its cancer? They’re uncomfortable with certain aspects of a physical exam, such as a prostate cancer screening or rectal exam. They might feel exposed when they must put on a flimsy paper gown. They can even be embarrassed by the numbers on the scale and not want to hear about measures that the need to take to improve their health. Some men worry about the costs of medical procedures and exams, so they put off going to the doctor. Not having a good relationship with a doctor can also prevent men from keeping appointments. In general, men tend to take more risks than women, and that includes taking the risk on their health.
Fortunately, you can help your dad become more comfortable with a doctor’s visit and overcome his true hesitations. Start by asking him why he’s avoiding the doctor. At first, he might play down his true hesitations. If he does this, then tell him that you’re concerned about his health and that it would put your mind at peace if he simply got a physical. Use grandkids or upcoming trips if you must, emphasizing that you would really like to have him around for as long as possible.
Once your dad is in a receptive state, work with him to resolve his hesitations. Maybe he doesn’t like his doctor and hasn’t for years. Help him find a doctor that specializes in geriatrics and who is more familiar with the senior population. Maybe your dad feels exposed in the paper gown while waiting for the doctor to come into the exam room. Suggest that your dad ask to talk with his doctor fully dressed before and after the exam. Before the exam, encourage your dad to share what makes him feel uncomfortable as well as any questions or concerns he has about his health. This allows the doctor to tailor his exam and to approach your dad in a manner that makes him feel the most comfortable. Doctors want all of their patients to feel at ease and understand that not everyone is comfortable with anatomy. Reassure your dad that his health is a priority for you and your family, and he needs to make it a priority too.
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