My wife and I are big returners. If we don’t like it (whatever it is) or if it’s broken, we return it, putting 100% satisfaction guarantees to the test wherever products are sold. After years of making returns, I’ve discovered that some stores are much more receptive to returns than others. Some stores take back their item with the same smile as when they sold it while other stores make you second guess your motives and feel like a criminal.
One place I make many returns to is Amazon (I actually have a return cued up right now). Over the years, Amazon has made the return process a breeze. The process takes about one minute and in almost every case, UPS will pick up the item free of charge right from your front door, and for returns that don’t offer free pickup, you can usually get free shipping with dropp-offs at a UPS store or Kohl’s. In terms of making returns, I’d give Amazon about a five-star rating for ease and understanding…or as understanding as whatever their automated return protocols and/or algorithms allow.
Unless you want to return an Apple device.
A couple editions ago, I wrote about buying my son and wife a couple Apple devices to squash escalating fights over phone time only to have a friend tease me for unwittingly rewarding bad behavior while I all the while thought I was problem solving. Apparently the joke continued when a few days after I got my wife’s new iPad set up, I noticed a pixel issue with the screen. I’m not certain what the problem was, but the screen didn’t work right, so I logged onto Amazon immediately to start the return process. Logging on, it turned out, was the only immediate part of the process because apparently Amazon has entirely different return protocols for high-profile Apple devices.
What follows is my chat with an Amazon online representative (or twelve representatives) that I was required to do in order to make the return. See what you think because to me this feels a bit like karma:
(Note, for anonymity, the names of the Amazon reps have been changed to Rep 1,2,3, so on.)
Initial Question: When looking at a white screen, there is a blue blemish on the screen, almost like a small smudge but it’s not on the surface of the screen. It seems like something is wrong with the pixels.
Rep 1: Hello, my name is Rep 1. I’m here to help you today.
Chris La Pelusa: Hello
Rep 1: I’m sorry for the concern this situation caused you. That’s definitely not what we want our customer to experience. I can understand your disappointment in this regards. May I please have the order number?
Chris La Pelusa: Give me a sec. (I provide order number.)
Chris La Pelusa: I chatted with someone on your end a few days ago and was told to wait until the item was back in stock (because it wasn’t in stock during the last chat). What I want to do is exchange the iPad. I’ll gladly reset it to factory settings and return it, but I’d like the replacement sent out first so I can sync the new one with the old one so I don’t have to set the new one up manually again.
Rep 1: I understand Chris
Chris La Pelusa: Thank you. Can you approve the exchange?
Rep 1: Apple iPad (Wi-Fi, 32GB) – Gold (Latest Model) is this the item?
Chris La Pelusa: Yes.
Rep 1: And you’ve mention me a while ago that you wanted to return the item?
Chris La Pelusa: Yes, well, exchange it. I would like to return the current one and have replacement one sent out.
Rep 1: Just give me a moment to check that on my end
Chris La Pelusa: Okay. Thank you
Chris La Pelusa: If you need it, I can provide you with a photo or video of the issue.
Rep 1: Yeah sure kindly sent me a photo or video of the item to xxxx@amazon.com (changed for security)
Chris La Pelusa: Do you need it now?
Rep 1: Yes please
Chris La Pelusa: Okay, can you give me a few minutes?
Rep 1: Sure
Chris La Pelusa: Okay, be back in a bit.
Chris La Pelusa: I’m sending it in just a sec.
Rep 1: Sure
Chris La Pelusa: I just sent it. I put a black circle around the “blemish.” In a photo, the blemish is very faint blue, but it IS there.
Rep 1: I see, just a moment okay
Chris La Pelusa: Okay.
Rep 1: When did you receive the item?
Chris La Pelusa: Last week, I think. Let me check.
Chris La Pelusa: Sept. 16
Rep 1: I see
Chris La Pelusa: According to the tracking
Rep 1: Is it the item is working?
Chris La Pelusa: Yes, the item works, but the screen is damaged/defective
Rep 1: for me to help you with this matter Chris ,since the item is working, let me go ahead and give you a partial refund for 25% back to your original payment without returning the item back
Chris La Pelusa: Absolutely NOT. The screen is defective! Give me a second.
Rep 1: I see, so let me go ahead and check my best resolution here
Chris La Pelusa: I just sent you a better pic of the issue
Chris La Pelusa: And, No, the item DOESN’T work correctly, unless you count a screen with something wrong with the pixels as “working correctly.”
Rep 1: I understand, please stay connected for me to transfer you to our right department for them to help you.
First Rep Transfer
Chris La Pelusa: Hello
Rep 2: Hello Chris , my name is Rep 2. Please give me a moment to review the previous correspondence.
Chris La Pelusa: Sure. I also just sent a better pic of the issue to xxxx@amazon.com. Can you access it?
Rep 2: Let me connect you to a member of the team that will best be able to help you with this. It will only take a moment.
Second Rep Transfer
Rep 3: Hello Chris, my name is Rep 3. Please give me a moment to read the previous correspondence and look into the issue.
Chris La Pelusa: Please seem my question above about viewing the pic I sent over.
see my, I mean
Rep 3: Sure Chris.
Chris La Pelusa: I sent it to xxxx@amazon.com
Rep 3: Please allow me one moment to transfer this chat to appropriate team to help you with this issue.
Third Rep Transfer
Rep 4: Hello, my name is Rep 4. Please give me a moment to review the previous correspondence.
Chris La Pelusa: You are the fourth or fifth transfer. PLEASE DO NOT TRANSFER ME OUT AGAIN!
All I want to do is return this iPad and get a replacement due to a defective screen. I’m well within the return window.
Chris La Pelusa: I would like the replacement sent out before I ship the defective one back so I can sync the new one with the current one without having to set the new one up manually.
Chris La Pelusa: Again, DO NOT transfer me.
Rep 4: Okay.
Checking…
may I know the reason to return ?
Chris La Pelusa: I thought you were reviewing the correspondence above. It’s stated there a few times.
(Okay, I was a bit snarky there.)
Rep 4: The screen is defective ?
Chris La Pelusa: Yes.
Rep 4: Thanks for confirming.
Rep 4: let me process a replacement.
The chat continued for a little while after with technicalities about the return process, and as you can see the item was ultimately processed for exchange. However, this chat took about 45 minutes and multiple explanations from my end, enough time to seriously question my actions and problem-solving abilities when it comes to my wife and son.
