5,070 calories and counting

Jim and Nancy do not disclose the fact that they will review a restaurant before they attend, ensuring their reviews are unbiased and uninfluenced by their position with the Sun Day.

We were wracking our brains trying to come up with a restaurant to review in the Schaumburg area since we were going there to do some shopping. The light bulb over our heads went on when suddenly we remembered a restaurant that has been around forever, and we have not been to in ages. We are referring to the mother of all calorie bombs, the restaurant with a menu to end all menus, and the ever popular, long forgotten Cheesecake Factory in Schaumburg.

It’s been over a decade since we’ve been there and nothing seems to have changed. It looks exactly like we remembered it, except there was no line waiting to get a table for lunch.

We sat down and attempted to read through their 22-page menu. Judging from the look on Nancy’s face, we were going to be here for a while. The waiter came by and took our drink order and asked if we had decided what to order, and Nancy replied, “no.” When he came back with our drinks he asked again if we had decided, and again Nancy said “no.” The waiter returned five minutes later with a basket of bread and again inquired, and Nancy said “no.” Since she was only on page 12 of the menu, I decided to relieve my hunger with some of the bread. The waiter returned once again, filled up our iced teas and asked if we were ready and Nancy, again, said “no.” The bread was almost gone when she came to a decision, and of course, then our waiter was nowhere to be found.

I wasn’t the only one to have a hard time deciding. Jim was torn between the Cuban Sandwich and the Chicken Parmesan Sandwich. He, of course, went with the higher calorie count item, 2,020 to be exact, and picked the Chicken Parmesan Sandwich ($14.95). This was tender chicken lightly coated in Parmesan breadcrumbs, tomato sauce, and melted cheese on a freshly grilled French roll. He chose French fries for his side, so tag on another 530 calories. Keep in mind, a man his age and size should intake 2,000 calories a day. He has exceeded the ideal daily calorie intake by 550 calories so far. The sandwich, of course, was huge and the fries were tasty.

Nancy’s poor little blonde brain was overtaxed by trying to read that huge menu. It was just too much for her, so she figured, screw it, I’ll just divert to my old standby, which was the Lunch Flatbread Pizza and Salad ($13.50). She chose the pepperoni flatbread pizza (1,110 calories) with ranch dressing on her salad (260 calories). What came looked totally different than what she remembered. The salad used to have julienned beets, sprouts, etc. on top, now all you get is tomato and cucumber. The salad was not as impressive as she remembered, and not as tasty. She asked the waiter for some red onion to zip it up. The pizza was thicker than flatbread pizza should be. She wasn’t very happy with her choices today.

You have to order dessert at a restaurant named The Cheesecake Factory, so let’s add on more calories!!! We decided on the Lemoncello Cream Torte ($8.95) with 1,150 calories. This was layers of vanilla cake and lemon mascarpone cream topped with streusel and served with strawberries and whip cream. This was awesome and we were both fighting over it. Nancy doesn’t like cheesecake, that is why we went off the beaten path today.

Now for the day of reckoning. Nancy’s calorie count came to a mere 1,945. My whopping calorie count was 3,125, OMG!!! Total calories consumed between the two of us, 5,070, total price $50.29, about a penny a calorie. Wow!!!

FYI: This restaurant is handicap accessible.

Jim’s take: My sandwich could have used more seasoning, but the Lemoncello Cream Torte was awesome.

Nancy’s take: You can never go back. I also loved the Lemoncello Cream Torte; it was the highlight of my lunch experience.

Have comments or restaurant suggestions for the Dining Duo? Send them an email at thediningduo@gmail.com

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