Q. Iām finding myself in a position where Iām caring more for my aging parents, in addition to raising my family. The pandemic seemed to have expatiated the inevitable ā my parents needing more help and support. I thought I had a few more years before they would need me so much, which would have given my kids more time to grow up, yet here we are. Iām beginning to feel anxious about the upcoming school year. Our summer schedule has been more flexible, giving me time to run over to help on a whim. Yet, as the school year starts, my priority must be my children. Do you have any tips on how I can balance this new season of my life?
A. I want to welcome you to the club of Sandwich Generation caregivers. You are among the 11 million Americans who provide care for an adult family member while also caring for children at home. You are āsandwichedā between the two generations, and this season can be highly stressful.
Itās good to hear that you want more balance in your life. Your awareness of your own needs is a sign that youāre navigating this new season well. That said, here are a few tips to help you add more balance to your life.
Start by compiling everything into one calendar. Consider your childrenās school schedule, after-school activities, your personal commitments, work obligations, and your parentsā appointments. This will help you stay organized and help you plan. Refer to the calendar as your meal plan or make future appointments for your parents. Avoid double-booking yourself or planning time-consuming meals on busier days. If itās easier, create a digital calendar so you can access it on the go.
Create a schedule with your parents that fits your time availability. Look at your calendar and note blocks of times that youāre free to help. Set clear boundaries around your time and communicate those boundaries with your parents. Boundaries help construct a straightforward routine so that everyone knows what to expect. While itās great you have time now to help on a whim; an actual schedule will allow you to have more balance in your life.
Learn to ask for help. You cannot achieve balance if you donāt accept help from others. Reach out to your siblings, if you have any, and ask them to help as they can. If they live close, maybe they can take charge of the laundry. If they live far away, maybe they can take over online grocery shopping. During visits with your parents, ask them to do as much as they can for themselves. Consider hiring professional help, such as house cleaning, lawn maintenance, or in-home care.
Lastly, prioritize your needs. Caregivers are notorious for neglecting their own health and well-being. This only leads to caregiver burnout. As you look at your calendar and create a schedule, include something for you. What activities bring you joy or a sense of renewal? Journaling? Exercising? Lunch with a friend? Crafting? Cooking? Whatever it is, block adequate time for it so you can engage. If you canāt find time for yourself, itās time to consider professional care services so that you can take care of yourself. Many home care companies offer respite care to help individuals just like you, caught in the sandwich generation.
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