Iām going to be honest. I never really found Alfred Hitchcockās The Birds very terrifying. I never saw what was so scary about a bunch of birds. Theyāre birds! Mostly gulls and sparrows. Theyāre not bats!
And then, all at once, my entire opinion on Hitchcockās classic masterpiece changed.
It began on a mild summer afternoon when I realized that a couple house finches were nesting in the gutter above my garage. Being someone who used to like birds, I thought to leave them alone. I didnāt want to evict a couple cute, small finches when they were simply trying to raise a family. Iāll wait until it gets cold and they leave, and then Iāll remove the nest. But when it got cold, they didnāt leave. In fact, they burrowed in deeper and built a nest in a gap in my soffit and roof and called it their āforever home.ā So I let them be and I let them poop all over my driveway for two years before enough was enough.
By this summer, my son (now a 4yo) was in full swing, playing outside, treating my driveway has an enormous canvas for his chalk art. Him crawling around in a minefield of bird poop wasnāt an option. The Finches (as I started to call them) had to go.
I waited until a time when both husband and wife were out (and before there were any eggs in the nest) then grabbed my ladder, ripped out the nest, and patched the hole in the soffit. And when The Finches got back, it did NOT go well. They sat on the peak of my garage roof for three days angrily squawking. But on the fourth day, they were gone.
Or so I thought.
A few years ago, when I decided to renovate my porch, my wife and I went for something truly daring. Curtains. Yes, we put curtains up on our side porch, for privacy, for shade, for atmosphere, but not for birds to nest above. But thatās what The Finches did. With their home above the garage gone, they started nesting on the pleats at the top of the curtains, pooping everywhere. And they built these nests fast.
Every morning, Iād go out on the porch and theyād scatter. Iād get my ladder, pull down their nest, and by afternoon, they were back with a new nest installed. This went on for a week before I put some foam blocks up there to hinder their nesting ability, only the blocks often fell down in the wind and within seconds The Finches were back at it.
And then one day, I pulled down their nest and heard a crunch. Yes, I crushed an egg. I felt terrible. I really did, but it seemed to solve my finch problem because they havenāt been back since.
About a week later, karma got me when a redwing blackbird decided to nest in a tree across the street.
Have you ever had a redwing blackbird problem? No? Well, good for you. You donāt want one. These birds are insane, aggressive, and very territorially. Whenever my son and I would go out front, the male would swoop down, divebomb our heads, and hover above us, hissing. At first it was kind of funny because clearly this bird thought that it was us that should leave, but after a week of being attacked, it started to get nightmarish and truly worrisome. I read that they usually wonāt make contact, but if they get angry enough, theyāll start pecking at your head, and I really didnāt want me or my son to take a peck to the head.
The redwing blackbird problem persisted for about two weeks, but fortunately, went away on its own when the bird just left. Iām pretty sure The Finches sent him.
But sometimes, I hear it during the day, off in the distance, calling, perhaps gathering, and it sends a chill through me, waiting for The Birds to come again.
And if you thought this was bad, wait until I tell you about The Rabbits.
