Q. I’m concerned about my mother-in-law. She’s in her mid-seventies, lives alone, and is still independent. However, the past few times I’ve stopped by to visit, she’s seemed more stressed than usual. We usually get together for lunch during the week, but she’s backed out four of the five times we’ve made plans. She’s losing weight and I’ve noticed that she’s been more agitated on the phone. She complains that she isn’t sleeping well at night. I’ve encouraged her to make an appointment with her doctor, but she can’t get in for another month. I think she might be feeling stressed, but I don’t know what to do. How can I help her destress?
A. Stress is an inevitable part of life. Some stress is vital to our health and well-being. It serves as a warning system, triggering the fight-or-flight response when we’re in a harmful situation. However, chronic stress is harmful to our health, including older adults. It can cause serious medical conditions or aggravate chronic health problems. It’s also harmful to mental health, contributing to depression and anxiety.
Older adults aren’t immune to chronic stress. While they’ve had more life experience to learn how to manage stress, they’re more likely to face greater stressors than those they faced in younger years. Common stressors among older adults include the death of a significant other, too much unstructured time, changes in relationships with their children, financial instability, or loss of independence due to declining health.
Your question comes at the perfect time as April is National Stress Awareness Month. Here are a few ways you can help your mother-in-law manage her stress.
Take her for a walk around her neighborhood, or find a paved trail nearby that the two of you can explore together. Pack a picnic lunch or eat outside the next time you dine together. Encourage her to read outside or simply sit in the warmth of the sun for a few minutes. Fresh air and sunshine are essential for coping with anxiety and stress.
Another great stress reliever is to bake bread. Baking bread can help keep your mother-in-law focused on something other than her stress. It doesn’t require much technique or skill. The process is very tactile. Kneading dough can provide a way for her to release stress from her body. The aroma of bread baking in the oven can promote a sense of calm. Invite her over to bake bread together. Sip a cup of tea while the dough rises and lend a listening ear to her worries.
Music has a way of changing the mood in the room in a matter of seconds. Look for calming, instrumental music she can play when she feels stressed. If she’s stressed because she’s bored, encourage her to listen to upbeat music that she can dance along to. Music and movement together can reenergize your mother-in-law, while allowing stress to melt away.
Suggest she try a meditation app on her smart device. Help her download and learn one that fits her needs. Set a reminder on her phone so she remembers to complete one meditation each day. You can also find guided relaxation videos on the internet.
Above all, continue to reach out and stay connected. Express your concerns with her and remind her that you’re always available to listen when she’s ready to talk.
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