Q. I’m concerned about my mom. She relocated from Ohio to live closer to me. While I love having her nearby, she has yet to establish her social network. I work part-time, and she watches my children until me, or my husband can pick them up after work. I see her multiple times a week, and she insists on having us over for Sunday lunch. Initially, she didn’t have many opportunities to socialize due to the pandemic. Now that things are pretty much back to normal, she doesn’t seem interested in finding friends. I’ve tried to help her make connections because I can’t be her entire social network. I’m concerned that she might be lonely, especially during the day. What can I do to help her rebuild her social life?
A. Healthy relationships are important at any point in life, especially for older adults. Older adults are vulnerable to the adverse effects of an isolated social life without a support network. Supportive relationships positively affect an older adult’s physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
It can be challenging to build social connections in older adulthood. There are fewer social opportunities for older adults, especially those who are retired and empty nesters. Yet, older adults can make new friends even in this season of their lives. Here are a few tips to help you foster connections with your mom so that she can rebuild her social support network.
Learn about opportunities for older adults in your local community and encourage her to attend. Libraries often offer educational or creative classes specifically for older adults. Start there and ask your mom to pick a class that sounds interesting. If possible, go with her. Even if you bring your kids to the library to select books while she’s attending the class, she may be more likely to attend if you go together.
Another great place for older adults to build social connections is through the local parks and recreation department. Check out what’s available for older adults and encourage your mom to try something new. Perhaps there’s a bird watcher group or walking club that interests your mom.
Volunteering is another way older adults can build social connections. Ask around about volunteer opportunities at the library, local church, senior living communities, or public schools. When you hear about a volunteer opportunity, tell her about it and encourage her to go.
Alternatively, consider why she’s not socially connected. Perhaps she needs more space and time to foster her social connections. It’s great that you can spend a lot of time with your mom. However, it sounds like she doesn’t have much free time to socialize. She may feel needed by you and decline opportunities to build social connections. Consider ways you can depend less on her, so she has time to focus on her social life. Stay home on your off days so that she knows she’s available to pursue her agenda every Tuesday or Wednesday. Suggest you come over every other Sunday for lunch so she can invite neighbors over or attend a religious service.
If she continues to stay withdrawn, she may need professional help. Schedule an appointment with her doctor to discuss depression and assess her cognition. Social withdrawal is often an early symptom of dementia.
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