Q. I’m concerned about my mom. She’s 71 and lives alone. My dad passed away five years ago and I’m convinced that my mom is still grieving his death. Since she became a widow, she’s become more reclusive. She doesn’t like to drive far from home and doesn’t make much of an effort to maintain friendships. I live nearby and try to include her as much as possible. She loves to shop but rarely leaves her home to shop unless I’m with her. My sister and brother live out of state and they visit about once or twice a year. Although she has an open invitation to visit my siblings, she always declines because she won’t drive herself or fly alone. She’s gained weight and can be moody from time to time. I think she might be depressed and I don’t know what to do. Do you have any suggestions?
A. I’m sorry to hear about your loss. Unfortunately, grief has no timetable. The first year is extremely difficult. However, physical symptoms of grief, such as loss of appetite or sleeping difficulties, should begin to lessen.
What you’re describing sounds like classic signs of depression. Weight gain (or loss), disrupted sleep, moodiness, inability to concentrate, and loss of interest in socializing are common signs of depression. One sign of major depressive disorder is when a person experiences a loss of interest in something they once enjoyed for a period of two weeks or longer.
Most people are unaware that there is more than one type of depression. Types of depression can fall into two different categories: persistent depressive disorder and major depressive disorder. People experiencing symptoms of depression should talk with their doctor to better understand what type of depression they are facing. Their doctor can help determine the next steps and provide appropriate treatment.
I highly recommend that you schedule an appointment with your mom’s primary care physician. Insist that you go with her and speak with her physician. Inform her physician about your observations so that her physician has all the information. It’s not uncommon for people experiencing depression to downplay how they feel in front of their doctor.
Your mom’s physician can rule out medical conditions that might be contributing to feelings of depression. Her doctor can also prescribe other therapies, such as counseling or medication, to help relieve symptoms.
After speaking with her doctor, encourage your mom to join a bereavement support group. It sounds like she is still grieving and could benefit from additional support. Offer to go with her.
In addition to seeking professional help and a support group, continue supporting your mom as best as possible. Continue to invite her to activities and events. Offer to help with meal planning and preparation so she has healthy meals to eat. Suggest a walk after dinner. Encourage her to go out to eat with a friend. Remind her that you care about her and are concerned about her mental health.
I also suggest you share your observations with your siblings. Because they live far away, they might not be aware of your mom’s situation. They could misinterpret her decline to visit them as something else. Encourage them to continue to call and to schedule regular visits throughout the year as she begins the healing process.
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