Q. I am writing to express my concern about my aging parents. They are in their late 80s and continue to live independently in their own home. However, I’ve been noticing some changes to their well-being that have me worried. My mom has some memory issues, as I’ve observed her experiencing increased forgetfulness and mood swings. My dad’s memory is intact, but he seems to struggle with everyday household tasks. I understand that aging can bring about these changes, but I feel that it’s time I address them promptly. I would greatly appreciate your insight as to what next steps I should take so that my parents can continue to thrive in their older years.
A. I appreciate your concern for your aging parents. Although it’s wonderful to hear that they continue to live independently, you are right in your understanding that aging alone brings about certain changes that can affect their independence.
You are also wise in wanting to address these concerns promptly. Many adult children struggle with knowing when and how to address age-related changes regarding their elderly parents. Some wait too long, while others ignore the obvious signs that their parents need more help and support.
I recommend starting with a candid conversation with your parents. Tell them about the changes or struggles you’ve observed and express your genuine concern for their well-being. Encourage them to get a physical from their physician, if it’s been some time. Ask to tag along so that you can share your perspective and hear firsthand what next steps their doctor recommends. Your doctor can recommend behavioral strategies or other supportive therapies to help with your mom’s increased forgetfulness and mood swings.
Next, discuss ways your parents can get the help and support they need. Whether it’s hiring a cleaning company to assist with housework or arranging for grocery delivery to ease the burden of shopping, encourage your parents to ask for help.
Another option might be home care, where a caregiver comes to assist with non-medical care needs. Many home care companies assist with light housekeeping, meal planning and preparation, personal care, and transportation. They also provide companionship and respite care. In addition to receiving the help your parents need, a professional caregiver could keep your mom company while your dad takes a break.
Most importantly, keep the dialogue open. As you take those first next steps, recognize that you’ll have to readdress this conversation as your parents’ care needs evolve over time.
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