Q. I am writing to you about a senior in my life who has recently lost her sense of purpose. Annie is a beloved member of our community, but she has been feeling lost and unmotivated lately. She’s expressed to me that she doesn’t feel like she has a reason to get up in the morning anymore and that she doesn’t know what to do with her time. Annie has always been an active person, but lately, she seems more withdrawn. She told me in confidence that she feels extremely lonely and isolated. She’s stopped participating in our book club and rarely takes me up on my invitations to come over for dinner. I’m concerned about her physical and mental health. I believe that a sense of purpose is critical for healthy aging, and I’m hoping you can provide some guidance on how I can help Annie.
A. I’m so sorry to hear about your dear friend, yet I’m encouraged that you’ve written for advice. Annie is fortunate to have such an observant friend in her life. Although she may be experiencing feelings of loneliness and isolation, she clearly isn’t all alone.
You are right in your belief that an important component of healthy aging is having a sense of purpose. Unfortunately, many older adults lose their sense of purpose upon retirement or when they become empty nesters. Our society tends to focus on reaching goals or milestones. But once you retire or your kids grow up and move out, it can be very challenging for some older adults to know what to do next.
From what you described; it sounds like Annie is in flux. I recommend you start by helping her find new ways to find meaning and purpose. Start with her current interests and look for ways to help her reengage with her favorite activities. You mentioned she stopped participating in book club; if this is something she used to enjoy, encourage her to rejoin. Find ways to ensure her participation, such as asking her to select the next book or lead the discussion.
Look for other social opportunities she can pursue and help her get connected. Senior activity centers, fitness classes for active older adults, and educational or craft classes at the library are often great places to meet new friends. Encourage Annie to sign up for something that sounds interesting to her and offer to go with her if you can.
Another way to help Annie find her sense of purpose is to encourage her to volunteer. Volunteering has many benefits for older adults, including improved quality of life and a greater sense of purpose. Help Annie connect with organizations that match her interests and abilities.
Lastly, I recommend you speak with Annie’s family about your observations, especially if they aren’t local. They may not be aware of Annie’s situation and might need to intercede beyond how you can help. Encourage them to make an appointment with Annie’s doctor to rule out depression or other underlying medical conditions. They may also want to consider hiring a companion caregiver to help Annie on a more consistent basis.
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