Q. I am writing to seek your advice on the conversations that I should have with my adult children. As a senior, I know that I need to make some important decisions about my future and my family’s future, and I want to ensure that my children are well-prepared for any eventualities.
However, I am not sure how to approach these conversations, as they can be difficult and emotional. I do not want to burden my children with my concerns, nor do I want to worry them unnecessarily. But I also do not want to leave them unprepared for any situation that may arise.
What conversations do you think are important for seniors to have with their adult children? How can I approach these conversations in a way that is respectful and sensitive to everyone’s feelings?
A. Thank you for reaching out about this important topic. It’s wonderful that you are thinking about having conversations with your adult children to ensure that everyone is on the same page about important topics.
One approach you could take is to frame the conversation in terms of planning for the future. You can let your children know that you want to make sure that you are prepared for any eventualities and that you value their input and support in this process.
It may also be helpful to approach each topic separately, rather than overwhelming your children with too much information at once. For example, you could start by discussing your healthcare wishes and any advance directives you may have in place. Then, you could move on to financial planning, and finally, your plans for the future.
Another important piece is to communicate whom you are naming as your power of attorney for health and finances. This can be the same person, or you can choose to name separate individuals for each role.
Although these conversation topics aren’t always easy, it’s important, to be honest, and transparent with your children about your concerns and wishes. At the same time, approach the conversation with respect, concerning their feelings and perspectives. Encourage open and honest communication, and listen to their input and concerns as well.
Some parents find it easier to make a binder filled with their end-of-life decisions and instructions. I always recommend that parents communicate pertinent information to their children firsthand, and use the binder as a secondary communication tool. Include copies of advanced directives, bank account information, wills or trusts, and preplanned funeral arrangements.
Finally, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a financial planner or elder law attorney, in these conversations. They can provide expert guidance and advice, and help ensure that everyone’s concerns are addressed fairly and equitably.
I hope this advice is helpful, and I wish you all the best as you have these important conversations with your children.
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