Q. My parents retired a year ago and have recently decided to downsize from our family home to a condominium. I agree with their decision to find a smaller home that requires little maintenance, especially since they no longer have the energy to pour into a large home. However, I’m most concerned about the emotional impact this move might have on my parents. Both my parents were extremely involved in their neighborhood and were accustomed to neighbors dropping by to shoot the breeze. I worry that they might feel a sense of loss as they leave behind familiar surroundings and friends. How can I help them through this emotional transition and support them as they list their lifelong home and relocate to a smaller place?
A. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns about your parents’ recent transition. It’s understandable that this change brings about a mix of emotions. Here are a few suggestions to help you support your parents as you navigate this transition together.
First, I want to give you permission to acknowledge and validate the emotional impact that this move may have on your parents. Leaving behind a long-time family home can be bittersweet. Each space in your family home holds thousands of memories, from scraped knees on the driveway to shared laughter over the dinner table with friends. Your parents’ upcoming move represents a significant chapter in their lives. Encourage them to share their feelings, allowing them to express any sense of loss they may be experiencing. Remind them that although they are leaving behind their physical home, they will carry those sentimental memories with them to their new home.
You might even find creative ways to take those memories with them to their new home. For example, if your parents marked your childhood growth on a doorframe, transfer those markings to a piece of paper and replicate them on a long board. I also recommend that you take as many photos as you can before they list their home. Assemble a scrapbook for your parents and record significant stories that each room or piece of furniture holds.
As your parents reflect on this new chapter in their lives, encourage them to focus on the positive aspects of their new living arrangement. Whether it’s less space to clean or a yard to maintain, downsizing in your golden years can free up time and not cause as much physical pain.
When it comes to supporting your parents’ independence while ensuring their well-being, finding balance is key. Ask them about their expectations and how you can best support them during this time of transition. Perhaps they need help setting up utilities or want a second set of eyes as they explore condominiums. Offer your support while giving them the space to remain autonomous. As much as possible, encourage your parents to keep their usual routines and pursue activities that bring them joy. This will help them stay grounded as they process this significant life change.
Once your parents have settled into their new home, continue to support their emotional well-being by helping them foster new friendships while maintaining old ones. For example, host an open house in your parents’ new home. This is a great way to maintain former friendships while creating opportunities for your parents to meet their new neighbors.
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