Rejecting holiday hubbub: A pep talk

The old song says, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” but the weeks before Thanksgiving and spanning all the way to New Year’s Day can be a difficult obstacle course for many of us.

The local radio stations barely wait 24 hours after Halloween to switch over to holiday music. It may seem incongruous to drive through streets lined with golden maple trees while hearing “Frosty the Snowman” over the speakers, but here we are. As the ghosts and cobwebs are cleared away, the bells and wreaths and candy canes immediately rush onto the scene to cram every crevice with lights, tinsel, and excess.

There was one particular December when the pressure got to me. I found myself sitting in my parked car in the Aldi parking lot, chugging eggnog straight from the carton. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and started sobbing uncontrollably. It was the most wonderful time of the year — why was I so miserable? This was the moment I knew that I loved the spirit of Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I hated the phony stand-in of consumerist holiday hubbub — and that those were two very different, unrelated things. Something would have to change: the holidays I wanted had to be extricated from consumerism, and protected fiercely. So, each year around this time, I give myself a pep talk. Loving the holidays but hating the holiday hubbub is a concept that may seem revolutionary to some and can lead to some delicate conversations with loved ones. Some may look at you and see a grinch, but that’s where the pep talk comes in — to get your talking points in order. Clarify to yourself and others that just because you’re not buying into the hubbub doesn’t mean your heart is two sizes too small.

You’re not a Grinch

The holidays can be about family, togetherness, and the joy of gift giving. But let’s recognize that too much of a good thing is … too much. There’s a reason terms like “hygge” and “minimalism” have crept into our vocabularies. It signals that you are not the only one reevaluating the expectations we put on ourselves surrounding the flashy, consumeristic holiday season. Remind yourself that you are setting up boundaries not to punish others, but to protect yourself and to preserve the parts of this season that truly mean something to you.

Communicate

Up front, tell your partner or extended family your plans to keep things simple this year. Say this without judgment; this is a decision you are making for yourself. Let them know if you’ll be skipping out on big annual events or parties where your presence might be missed. Let them know that you’ll miss them, but you are attempting to put up boundaries so your holidays don’t become overwhelming and stressful. Hopefully they will respect your decision; they may even be curious about it. Be prepared to answer more questions, which might lead to an enlightening conversation.

Treat yourself like a friend

Ask yourself, “What are my favorite parts of this time of year?” Then, really listen to your answer. If you love eggnog and hot soup and fires in the fireplace, then gather your supplies and make coziness a priority. If you value experiences over things, attend a local light show or take in a live performance. Treat yourself the way you would treat your oldest, dearest friends. Show yourself a good time. Enjoy your plans, and keep your sense of humor when plans go awry. Spilled eggnog is just spilled eggnog.

Let go of perfectionism

It’s easy to assume that everyone else is enjoying a picture-perfect holiday season, but we know the darkness and cold that accompanies winter can be challenging for mental health. Add a heaping spoonful of expectation, and it can feel overwhelming! Let go of the arbitrary “rules:” You do not need to make 15 different kinds of cookies. You do not have to decorate every inch of your home.

Give, give, give

There are many great organizations that need practical items for people in need. Instead of spending money on a white elephant gift for Uncle Frank, consider donating to a local food drive, or drop off warm socks and toiletry items to a local shelter. Donate blood if you are able!

Debt is not “celebrating”

I shouldn’t even have to say this, but no holiday should involve you going into debt, especially not for Black Friday deals. No, not Cyber Monday deals, either. Put your credit card away.

Get tough

Before you can enjoy a simpler, quieter holiday, first you have to fight for it. Tell the holiday hubbub it’s not invited. Learn to say “no” without guilt or explanations. Make room for a new way. Walk head-on into the hubbub, and push right through it, leaving pressures and unrealistic expectations crumpled on the floor like discarded gift wrapping.

Take notice with gratitude

Once you intentionally simplify the holiday season, you may sense a shift in your general outlook. By clearing out all the noise and fuss that bombards us in November to December, you might discover a vaguely recognizable sense of calm in the center of your chest. Buying into the hubbub makes it easy to think we don’t have enough. That’s we’re not good enough. That we’re missing out. If you can reframe the holidays as a simple, quiet, and cozy time, your eyes will open to overlooked delights that were there the whole time. Slow down your pace and keep your calendar as free as possible. Look around and be grateful for the feel of flannel sheets, the magic of the first snowfall, or the intimacy of eating a simple meal by candlelight with someone you love. Make it a daily practice to search out small, delightful moments. Collect them like seashells and carry them with you.

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