Q. I’m reaching out as a daughter who is facing a unique challenge with my elderly parents, and I could use some advice. My primary concern revolves around my mom’s reluctance to get dressed. This situation is complicated by her dementia diagnosis and is ultimately hindering my dad’s ability to leave the house.
My mom doesn’t feel up to getting dressed, and my dad often has to miss out on family events as a result. He asks me to convince her to get dressed so they can go out together. It saddens me that they’re missing out on things and we don’t know how much time we have left with them.
I’m trying to be patient and understanding with my mom as I know it’s the dementia that’s behind this. Do you have any strategies or suggestions for our family?
A. I appreciate your heartfelt letter and can sense the love and concern you have for your parents. A dementia diagnosis makes everyday tasks we take for granted extremely challenging. I commend you for reaching out. Here are a few suggestions and strategies to help you and your dad navigate the situation.
Your letter indicates that both you and your dad already understand that patience and empathy are key when it comes to supporting your mom. Continue to approach her with compassion and recognize the difficulties she faces are a result of her dementia diagnosis.
That being said, persons with dementia thrive with routine. Help your dad create a daily routine that involves getting ready for the day. Whether it’s getting dressed after breakfast or first thing in the morning, establishing a consistent dressing routine can help your mom feel like this task is more manageable.
Another suggestion is to make getting dressed as simple as possible for your mom. Evaluate her closet. If it’s overcrowded with clothes, she might feel too overwhelmed to even begin to get ready for the day. Pare down her closet so that she has fewer clothing items from which to choose. You may even want to put outfits together for the week and hang them in her closet. Your dad can pull out two outfits and ask her which one she wants to wear, helping to eliminate too many choices.
In addition, remind your dad to communicate specific directions when it’s time for your mom to get dressed. Break down each task she needs to do into simple steps. For example, she may start getting ready by brushing her teeth. Then, she takes off her pajamas. Next, she puts on her undergarments followed by her outfit. Finally, she combs her hair and applies makeup or face lotion.
Finally, it may be time for your family to consider exploring alternative solutions to ensure that both your parents can continue to live comfortably. One such solution is home care, which provides non-medical assistance such as help with bathing and dressing. A caregiver can assist your mom with getting dressed, relieving the burden from your dad. Additionally, a caregiver can offer companionship to your mom in the comfort of her own home, giving your dad the freedom to run errands or attend family events.
Remember, you are not alone in this journey and seeking support is a courageous step. Wishing you strength, patience, and moments of joy amidst the challenges.
Have a question for our angel correspondent? Send our angel an email at jcbarrett@visitingangels.com, or write in at Ask An Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, IL 60177.
