Q. As Valentine’s Day approaches, I’m seeking advice on how to make this holiday a little easier for my grandma. She lost my grandpa last year, and I want to be sensitive to her feelings during this time. I know she will be feeling the loss, especially around Valentine’s Day, and I want to ensure she feels loved and supported.
I have small kids, and we live nearby, so I’m considering doing something special for her. However, I’m unsure if it’s too soon to celebrate Valentine’s Day joyfully while still being mindful of her grief. What’s the best way to show her love and let her know we’re thinking of her without overwhelming or saddening her?
Should we give her a small gift, or perhaps just spend quality time together? My kids adore her and are always so happy to see her. I would like to include them in a way that feels natural. I would appreciate any advice on how to approach this.
A. That’s such a thoughtful question, and your grandma is lucky to have you looking out for her during what may be a difficult time. Grief can be especially heavy on days that highlight love and companionship, so your instinct to be mindful of her emotions is spot on.
Rather than focusing on Valentine’s Day as a romantic holiday, consider reframing it as a day to celebrate all kinds of love — family love, the love between a grandparent and grandkids, and the love that continues even after loss. A small but meaningful gesture could be just what she needs.
Here are a few ideas:
Spend quality time together on or around Valentine’s Day. Simply being together may be the best gift she receives. You could bring over her favorite meal, watch an old movie she and your children enjoy, or just play games. Let her guide the tone of the day.
Give her a thoughtful gift, such as a heartfelt letter or a framed photo of her and your grandpa. You could also give a bouquet of her favorite flowers or a small plant to brighten up her home.
Involve your kids as you make plans. Encourage your little ones to make homemade Valentine’s cards for her or draw her a picture that she can hang on her refrigerator. Their joy and creativity could bring her a smile without feeling overwhelmed.
As the day approaches, remember to follow her lead. If she feels up for a visit, go ahead and treat her to some family love. Listen to her as she reminisces, and acknowledge her feelings — this will show her how much she is valued in the family.
Whatever you do, it’s clear you love her deeply, and that love will shine through.
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