A once-in-a-lifetime Law of the World

All the great thinkers of the world have come up with Laws describing how the world works.

Adam Smith devised “The Law of Supply and Demand” in 1776 to explain why some things are expensive and other things are cheap.

Sir Isaac Newton came up with “The Three Laws of Motion” in 1687 to explain why objects either sit still or move around.

In 1942, Isaac Asimov posted “The Three Laws of Robotics” to help you decide if you really want to spend any time with that bot in the corner that always stares at you without blinking.

So I figured it was high time that I came up with a Law, just to insure my place among all those great thinkers. Asimov, Newton and Kerth — oh my! It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

So here it is — my contribution to the Great Laws of the World:

Kerth’s Law states: “You don’t need a name for anything that happens only once.”

Pretty cool, huh?

I’m a little surprised that none of our other great thinkers have thought of this one, because—as with all Great Laws of the World — you find examples of it everywhere.

Take the world of science, for instance: Dr. Frankenstein is probably the most famous scientist known, and his most famous creation was a monster whose name is…well, uh, he doesn’t have one. Never thought to give him a name. The good doctor only made the one before he realized what a bad idea it was to be in the creature-making business.

If Dr. Frankenstein had created a second monster, then he would have had to name them Chad and Angelo or something, so that his servant Igor would know which one to feed fish heads for dinner, and which one would be going to bed hungry as punishment for all that naughty havoc-wreaking he had done last night in the village. But since there’s only one, he’s just “the creature.” Or “the monster.” Whatever.

See what I mean? We don’t bother giving names to once-in-a-lifetime things.

Still not convinced? Then consider the moons of the solar system. Jupiter has dozens of moons with cool names like Europa, Ganymede and Callisto. Saturn’s many moons include Titan, Prometheus and Pandora.

But Earth? Well, there’s just the one moon, and its name is… uh, the moon. Never thought to name it. There’s only one of them, after all. Didn’t seem necessary to distinguish it from all that dark empty space just waiting around for another moon to show up. In fact, don’t even bother to capitalize it. It’s just the moon.

If you need still more proof, you can see Kerth’s Law at work even in the Bible.

Although the Romans had a gaggle of gods with names like Apollo, Diana and Ceres, and the Greeks prayed to Zeus, Hera and Ares, open the Bible and you’ll find that there’s only one god mentioned, and his name is… well, God. Which is probably more His job description rather than His name.

And while you have that Bible still in your hand, go ahead and read a bit further for more examples. I’ll wait.

See? When God scraped some mud together and made the first man, he was just called “the man.” God didn’t bother giving the mud-pie a name, because there was little chance that He’d get him confused with some other guy wandering around. He didn’t need a name, because there weren’t any others. Just the one.

That’s why you don’t see any lines in the Bible that go like this:

Genesis 2:18-20

“Hey, you in the garden,” sayeth the Lord.

“Who, me?” spake the man.

“Of course you!” scoldeth God. “Who else would I be talking to? Sheesh!”

No, it wasn’t until God made “the woman” that He decided to avoid that kind of hassle, and He called them Adam and Eve so He could figure out which one was picking at that mysterious rib-hole that had suddenly appeared in his side while he slept, and which one hankered for apples and accessorized with foliage.

See what I mean? You don’t need a name for anything until there’s more than one of them.

Anyway, I’m pretty proud of being the one to come up with a Great Law of the World like this, because the way I see it, this is how other great folks like Newton and Einstein got their greatness.

And I have to admit, now that I’ve come up with Kerth’s Law and published it with my name on it for all the world to see, I can feel that greatness burning inside of me. Sure, it might be those jalapenos I put on that hotdog at lunchtime, but I don’t think so. I think it’s the budding greatness that blooms when a great person dreams up a Great Law of the World.

It’s Kerth’s Law: “The Law of….”

Well, it’s the only one I ever came up with, so there’s no name for it. If I gave it a name, that would violate its own rules, wouldn’t it?

No, I’ll have to wait until I come up with some other Great Law before I give this one a name.

I’ll get back to you.

TR Kerth is the author of the book “Revenge of the Sardines.” Contact him at trkerth@yahoo.com

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