Our Ask An Angel correspondent is Arlene Petersen, Certified Senior Advisor and Life Care Navigation Specialist in the area of senior home care.
Q. My dad fights us when we suggest he take a bath. He has memory issues, but it doing pretty good in many areas of his life. His hygiene, however, is a problem and is getting embarrassing. How can I get him to shower?
A. Showering is a common struggle for many who care for a loved one. This is a delicate subject and needs to be approached with great consideration for your dad. In his mind, he is certain he has taken a bath. Create a schedule for each day and make sure his bathing days are defined in the schedule. Consider the reality he might be afraid of taking a shower or bath. Many loved ones have this fear, so keep that in mind. Nagging him to take a bath will not work and will only cause friction for both of you. I recommend you put a routine in place for his daily needs if you havenāt already. When bath day occurs, start by washing his face, and work your way to bathe his arms, underarms, and upper body. Make sure you are gentle, and make it āmatter of fact.ā Having an event to attend that needs him to āget readyā might also be helpful. It might look like telling him to shower up and spruce up so you can visit a friend or go somewhere special together. I have worked with families who work with a professional caregiver to provide the bath on those days, so this might be something to try. A caregiver can give you space to remain his daughter and provide him the privacy he may still be cognitive of wanting. The important thing is to keep yourself grounded with understanding so his quality of life remains dignified and your relationship is filled with goodness instead of stress.
Have a question for our angel correspondent? You can send our angel an email to apetersen@visitingangels.com or send your question via mail to Ask An Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, IL 60177.
