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MY SUN DAY NEWS

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Penny pinching for dummies

By Chris La Pelusa

Nothing in life is free. Thatā€™s a true enough statement, isnā€™t it? If you donā€™t pay with dollars, you pay with the rest of your life. You ever borrow money from a family member? Thatā€™s fun.

However, there is one thing in life thatā€™s free: found money.

Of course, we have to define ā€œfound moneyā€ first. Found money is money that has no indication of where it came from. Itā€™s not in a wallet or purse (which are totally different scenarios) or a money bag with the bankā€™s information stamped on it (a completely different scenario). And itā€™s not such a large sum that you may have to report the find to the authorities. And, no, money you saw fall out of someoneā€™s pocket doesnā€™t count either. Found money is also not money that was or is yours. You didnā€™t find it in the pocket of a winter coat, in your couch cushions, under the driverā€™s seat in your car, or in the wash (although, my mother made a good supplementary income from the latter for years). Basically, found money is loose and lonely bills or change circulating only by wind or rain. And found money is free.

A few weeks after I turned 30, I found a dollar bill on the ground. Major find! As, at the time (and for about the decade leading up), I didnā€™t, as my father likes to say, have two nickels to rub together. I never found paper money on the ground either. Coming out of a bowling alley with my sister, I found an FBI agentā€™s badge when I was kidā€”THRILLINGā€”but there was no money with it. And, as I found, authorities donā€™t offer rewards for lost items, despite what their posters say.

I pocketed the dollar quickly, before the wind took it, half-expecting someone to say, ā€œHey, thatā€™s mine.ā€

When I got home, I looked at the dollar. It was minted in 2006 and was the easiest money I ever made. It was free. And that gave me an idea. I planned to start saving any free money I found to see how much it would amount to. I had no timeframe for this experiment other than the vague idea that I would keep it up the rest of my life!

As of now, I have found a total of $2.24. And remember, one dollar of that was found in one find. One dollar bill, three quarters, one dime, five nickels, and 14 pennies is what Iā€™ve stumbled across in almost three years. Thatā€™s about $.75 per year. What a living! If this was my way of saving up for a nest egg and I retired at 65, Iā€™d have $24 to live the rest of my life on. Not bad for 2,000 years ago!

Iā€™m sorry to say that Iā€™ve become quite cynical over the years and would say that this fortune is about what I expected, proving with doubt that nothing of any real value in life is free. And found money hardly counts, because itā€™s about as resilient to adding up as your accounts at tax time.

I thought this until at a recent family get-together I told my brother that I saved free money to see how much (or little) it added up to. I even presented him with a shiny nickel I found just on the way over to support my claim that you canā€™t find much.

My brother looked at me, a little astonished, and then proceeded to tell me that in the years heā€™s been looking for free money, heā€™s found more than $3,000, claiming that heā€™s found a couple hundred in one find a couple different times!

At my rate, it would take me 4,000 years to find $3,000!

ā€œYouā€™re looking in the wrong places,ā€ said my brother and explained you can find about $9 when snow piles that had been plowed thaw and melt, and a small fortune at toll booths, if you only open your door and lean out. I knew the latter, but I have I-Pass and havenā€™t driven through a coin-operated toll booth recently.

Regardless, I was still astonished at my brotherā€™s luck and considered him just that, lucky. I told myself that it didnā€™t happen for everyone and that surely the rate at which I find money is more normal. But my sister-in-law (the wife of my other brother) dispelled that right away when, overhearing the conversation, she told me my other brother has also found a bit of a small fortune.

I couldnā€™t believe it. Both my brothers, who are both much more successful in life, are raking in thousands in free money, and here I am scraping by on pennies. Talk about bad luck!

But then my sister-in-law told me the secret to my brotherā€™s success.

ā€œHe walks with his head down,ā€ she joked. Then added, ā€œSee, I donā€™t. I walk with my head up and donā€™t find anything. Of course, Iā€™m always the one who steps in $!#@.ā€

Me too.

Until next edition, I bid you Happy Trails and good fortune at your feet. Just be mindful of the other stuff, if youā€™re not watching where youā€™re going.





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