Our Ask An Angel correspondent is Re Kielar, Life Care Navigation Specialist in the area of senior home care.
Q. My husband is older than I am by ten years. It didnāt make a difference in our lives until recently. His health has impacted him, and I am finding that I canāt care for his needs because I have physical limits of my own. I find myself feeling helpless. We love each other, and after many years of marriage this is a very sad situation for both of us. I donāt know what to do and I feel under pressure to care for him.
A. Age difference between spouses can suddenly creep up out of nowhere. When it does, often couples are not ready for the change. This can bring on many emotions that are confusing and of concern. You have promised to love each other through thick and thin, and now the reality is that you are recognizing how your own limitations are keeping you from keeping your promise. I strongly recommend talking with your spouse and family about your options. If family is not available to you, begin the conversation with your husband. State the obvious, but also take the time to be transparent about your concerns about meeting his needs as well as your ability to take care of your own health. Examine your husbandās daily needs are and specifically what you can and cannot help him with. It may be that a professional in-home caregiver can assist you with activities of daily living, such as bathing and grooming, or helping with light housekeeping. A caregiver can also give you a break in your day, allowing you to pay attention to self-care so you can help you husband with a renewed ātank.ā A caregiver can help in so many ways and their expertise can deflate the stress in the home and can open up time for you to spend enjoy each otherās company. If safety is an issue, it may be that an assisted living community would serve both your needs better. This may not on your radar, but it is important to explore. It is important to consider your abilities and limitations as well as be true to your desire to continue to pour love into your relationship.
Have a question for our angel correspondent? You can send our angel an email to rkielar@visitingangels.com or send your question via mail to Ask An Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, IL 60177.
