Weāve all been hit with the phrase, the warning shot, the disclaimer: āNo offense, butā¦ā
Maybe when you hear it, you brace, or roll your eyes, or take a deep, heavy sigh. Either way, one thing is clear: an offense is on its way.
The phrase isnāt really that clever. If you think about it, those three words proudly trumpet the arrival of an insult, giving it more fanfare than if the insult had arrived all by itself.
But people who use the phrase see it otherwise.
The phrase has become an all-access, VIP pass, allowing the user to say something offensive without any blame.
Personally, when I hear the phrase, Iām taken back to high school hallways and cliquey conversations.
Although it might seem nice (āOh, they donāt want to offend meā), itās more of a personal declaration of innocence than a genuine desire not to offend.
Merriam-Webster agrees that the phrase is not just a cautious safety measure. The dictionary defines the phrase as one that is āused before a statement to say that one does not want the person or group that one is speaking to to feel hurt, angry, or upset by what one is about to say.ā There is inherent risk involved in the proceeding statement or āno offense, butā wouldnāt be necessary.
I will say that I think most of the people who toss the phrase around are not on the prowl, looking for excuses to offend. Instead, I think itās more of a sign of conversational carelessness, a way out if itās too much effort to take othersā feelings into account. To test this, once or twice Iāve interjected – āNo offense takenā – and received confused stares, as if they didnāt remember theyād said āno offenseā in the first place.
And hereās a secret: we all do it. The phrases āNot to be rudeā or āDonāt be insultedā are all the same thing. āNo offenseā just picked up the most steam.
So where does that leave us?
Proponents of the phrase might argue that there is a time and place for constructive criticism or honesty. I think the best test is to ask yourself: what would the sentence sound like without the words āno offenseā tacked in front? If itās not quite right, maybe the sentiment needs some re-wording.
And maybe if you canāt find a way to say what you want to say without the āno offenseā preface, itās best not to say it at all.