Q. My elderly mom has been showing some signs of dementia in the last year. She lives alone and prefers to keep to herself. While she lives in a decent neighborhood and knows her immediate next-door neighbors, I worry about her on Halloween. She loves the holiday, always made our costumes as kids, still helps to make her grandchildrenâs costumes. She gets such joy from giving candy to the trick-or-treaters and seeing them in costumes. Recently, her neighbor told me that my mom has been acting cranky towards the neighborhood kids. A group of teenagers were going door-to-door selling popcorn as a fundraiser. She shooed them off her property and threatened to call the police. One of the teens was her neighborâs son; she didnât even recognize him. With Halloween quickly approaching, how can I help her enjoy the holiday without it overwhelming her?
A. Iâm so sorry to hear about your momâs negative reaction to the teens. I want to reassure you that this is normal for someone with dementia. She clearly didnât recognize her neighbor and reacted quite normally for someone who was probably feeling threatened or scared. Here are a few suggestions to help her navigate everyday life, followed by a few tips for Halloween.
Start by posting a âno solicitingâ sign in her front yard. This should deter solicitors from even bothering her. The next time you see her immediate neighbors, explain to them her situation. Let them know sheâs in the early stages of dementia and that you are monitoring her frequently for changes. Although itâs not their responsibility, her neighbors will be more mindful of their interactions with your mom and can notify you should another episode occur. Finally, consider installing an outdoor camera that you can connect to from your smartphone. This will allow you to monitor her interactions with neighbors, as well as provide another deterrence for solicitors and pranksters.
Regarding Halloween, let your mom lead the way to how she wants to celebrate. Either plan on inviting your mom over to your home for trick-or-treat or spend the evening at her place. Then, proceed according to her mental and emotional state. If sheâs having a great day, sit out on the front porch with her and pass out candy together. If sheâs not feeling well, turn off the lights, cozy up inside, and watch a movie instead.
If she insists on passing out candy, encourage her to take a nap in the afternoon so that sheâs more rested for a later evening filled with trick-or-treaters. Remind her that she doesnât need to stay up until the very end of trick-or-treat, especially if sheâs getting noticeably tired or restless as the evening goes on.
There are other ways to celebrate Halloween that donât involve passing out candy. Spend time carving a pumpkin with her and reminisce about your favorite Halloween memories. Dress up together and arrange a mini photo shoot. Take your mom to a local bakery for a Halloween treat. Finally, fill a bowl with candy and leave it on her front porch. Trick-or-treaters can help themselves and your mom wonât feel so overwhelmed if sheâs having an off day.
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