Q. My dad, age 83, is currently in the hospital due to pneumonia. His doctor wants to keep him for a few more days to monitor his oxygen levels. In the meantime, I’m a daughter feeling helpless. My mom, 79, insists they don’t need any special treatment, even though I can see her age starting to slow her down. Do you have any suggestions for how I can help, without it coming across as help, so that my dad can recover fully from pneumonia and my mom not wind up in the hospital from overexerting herself?
A. I want to start by reassuring that you are not alone in your feelings of helplessness. It’s difficult for many parents to accept help from their adult children. They don’t want to be a burden to you. Yet, everyone needs help from time to time, and a hospital stay certainly merits additional TLC from any doting daughter. Here are a few suggestions that are helpful for anyone recovering from a hospital stay.
Ensure that your parents understand specific discharge instructions that the doctor recommends. Ask to be present during the discharge process so that your parents don’t miss important information. Be sure to schedule recommended follow-up appointments while your dad is still in the hospital. Offer to pick up prescriptions so that your parents can come straight home upon discharge.
Consider arranging meals or preparing freezer meals for your parents. While your parents are at the hospital, load their freezer with meals so they can’t protest. Stock their pantry with their favorite snacks. If they have a strong support network who are eager to help, arrange for them to bring meals as needed.
Straighten up their home so they come home to a clean house. Wash their sheets and towels. Make sure their other laundry is caught up. If you have time and resources, consider hiring a cleaning company to do a thorough clean so that your mom can relax when she’s home.
Once your dad is home, offer to be a buffer between your parents and potential visitors. While most friends and neighbors may choose to give your parents space, some might pop in with good intentions. Your dad especially will need time to rest and recover, without being exposed to additional germs. Answer the door for your parents if you can be present and politely decline visitors. Give a brief update and say that it’s not a good time, dad just feel asleep after a fitful night of rest. The visitors will understand, and your parents can focus on recovery.
Finally, if you feel comfortable in your relationship with your parents, just do what needs to be done. Pop-in as your schedule permits and do a load of laundry or wash the dishes. Take your mom out for lunch so that your dad has time to rest. Bring over a documentary or movie and watch it with your parents. Sometimes the best way to help is to be present with your loved ones. Your presence is a source of encouragement and joy, and that can bring additional healing to a loved one that is ill.
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