Q. Living far away from my parents has made it challenging for me to be actively involved in their day-to-day lives. I struggle with guilt knowing they are all alone. I have asked them to consider moving closer to me and my family so that I can be there for them, but they prefer the familiarity of their town and aren’t ready to say goodbye to lifelong friends and neighbors. My job keeps me grounded where I live and I have little flexibility in how often I can get back to assist my parents. My family and I try to visit twice a year, over the holidays and during the summer.
On our most recent visit, I noticed my parents seemed to have aged quite a bit since the holiday. This has raised concerns for me, as my dad has heart issues and my mom seems overtired from caring for him. I’m seeking guidance on how to provide care and support for my aging parents, despite living far away from them. What steps can I take to ensure their health and well-being? How can I best support my mom in her caregiving role? Any information and guidance you can provide is greatly appreciated.
A. I appreciate your concern for your aging parents. I empathize with your feelings of guilt as you live far away. Although it sounds like your parents have some local support, I understand your desire to be more involved as they continue to grow older. Here are a few ways you can offer assistance despite the miles in between you.
If you aren’t already doing so, establish open and regular communication with your parents. Call them often and ask about their well-being. If your parents are tech-savvy, start a text thread that serves as a daily check-in. Schedule weekly video calls so that you can monitor their health and well-being and maintain a strong relationship. Respect your parents’ privacy, but also convey your feelings of concern so that they understand your perspective.
Another way you can assist them from far away is to connect them with local support. Every state has a designated Area Agency on Aging or similar organization. These organizations focus on providing resources, education, assistance, and support to older adults in the community. Here, you can find a range of programs and services to help support your parents, such as Meals on Wheels, transportation assistance, long-term care options, and the like. Reach out to the local Area Agency on Aging where your parents live to learn more about respite care and other caregiving resources available to your mom.
Support your parents in managing their healthcare needs by encouraging them to maintain regular visits with their healthcare providers. Ask them to schedule a doctor appointment the next time you plan to visit so that you can have a clearer understanding of their health conditions. If that’s not possible, ask to be put on speakerphone so that you can ask their healthcare providers for guidance and inquire about remote monitoring options.
Lastly, it’s never too late to begin talking about when it’s time for your parents to get more help. Gently bring up the topic and ask about your parents’ long-term plan. It’s possible they already have a plan in place that will give everyone peace of mind.
Have a question for our angel correspondent? You can send our angel an email to apetersen@visitingangels.com, or send your question via mail to Ask An Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, IL 60177.
