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MY SUN DAY NEWS

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What I’ll be thinking about around the Thanksgiving table

By Chris La Pelusa

Whether my parents want to admit it or not, and no matter how much my mother tells me I was a welcomed addition to the family and loved all the same, I know that I was an oops baby … unless two people plan to have a child at 38 and 40 (mother and father respectively) and to separate their first batch of kids from their last child by 17-, 14-, and 10-and-half years. So far as I can tell, my father is still trying to pick his jaw up off the floor after my mother told him she was pregnant … again.

Growing up in this family arrangement came with its share of pros and cons, which are as follows:

Pro: I had the unique experience of being an “only” child with siblings.

Con: At four years old, the above pro was something of a paradox, and when talking to my siblings, I often referred to my parents as “my mom” or “my dad.”

Pro: Being so much younger than my siblings meant that five people raised me instead of two.

Con: Five people raised me instead of two. Then again, I guess it takes a whole village, right?

Pro: As my dad was a salesman, he traveled a lot when I was growing up, but my oldest brother was always right there to fill in the role of dad, something he never failed to point out to me while I was growing up: “Chris, I’m old enough to be your father.” Although, the older he gets, the less and less he wants to admit he’s old enough to have a 32-year-old son. Needless to say, I don’t hear this much from him anymore. To this day, I still view him as something of a father figure.

Con: I had two fathers. One is plenty. And in the case of a teenage daughter, one is probably more than plenty, so I’m glad I’m wasn’t born a girl.

Pro: I was doted on. Who doesn’t like the new baby?

Con: I was my sister’s doll and my brothers’ and cousins’ living experiment, particularly their audio experiment: “Hey, Chris, say the word $@#!” Admittedly, it’s funny to hear a two-year-old swear.

Pro: I became an uncle at nine.

Con: I viewed my new niece as competition. And, moreover, since she was my oldest brother’s daughter, did that mean I was her brother, since my oldest brother was old enough to be my father and since she and I were closer in age than any of my actual siblings?

Pro: By the time I was in my mid-teens, my siblings had enough sense to not use their legal freedoms of adulthood to buy me the stuff a teenager should otherwise not have.

Con: With no one to help get me in trouble, I had to get good at doing that all on my own.

Pro: My oldest brother (you know, dad #2) is a dentist. As he was already very well established in his profession by the time I had to start taking care of myself, I never had to worry about paying for dental coverage.

Con: The very last thing you want under light sedation is your brother leaning over you with a drill and a pick.

Pro: When my oldest brother was in dental school, he would teach me things to help himself study.

Con: I think I was the only seven-year-old who could name all the bones in the human head. Adults may find that impressive. Other seven-year-olds did not.

Pro: Being so separated from my siblings by age created a huge gap between us. When they were getting married, I was getting chicken pox and booster shots. As I get older and my life becomes more similar to theirs, the gap is lessening, and I finally feel like one of them.

Con: I’m starting to feel like I’m related to these people.





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