Our Ask An Angel correspondent is Arlene Petersen, Certified Senior Advisor and Life Care Navigation Specialist in the area of senior home care.
Q. My once vibrant husband has been showing increased signs of memory loss. I am heartbroken, and sometimes feel guilty because my patience wears thin, especially when he repeats the same questions. How can I deal with the repetitive behavior calmly?
A. When memory loss in our loved ones becomes more evident, it can lead us to react impatiently. Repetitive questions can be a challenging part of memory loss. This is a good time to lean on a few communication tips to help ease the impatience we feel. Without attention to our feelings of impatience, we can become weary and feel guilty. When interacting with one of my own family members, I would remind myself to listen, and treated each repetitive question as though I heard it for the very first time. This took a bit to master, but once I accepted this as a communication tool, it helped me tremendously. Try to listen to the feelings behind the questions or comments. It may be your husband is feeling stressed or frightened in a situation. This may cause his questions to become more insistent. This might be a good time to redirect his attention to an activity or to answer his question calmly and then introduce a new topic. Avoid arguing or trying to set the “story” straight. It does no good to enter into a battle about details. He is not interested in winning an argument. He simply cannot retain and recall information the way he used to. Find an activity that will give him a sense of joy and involvement. Has he started any new medication? It might be a good idea to talk to his doctor if that is the case. Sometimes medication can bring about new behaviors. The best advice I can provide is for you to bring others alongside you so that you can have a support system. You are not alone in this and friends, family or a support group can help you in this journey.
Have a question for our angel correspondent? You can send our angel an email to apetersen@visitingangels.com or send your question via mail to Ask An Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, IL 60177.
